I’m just typing this tonight, not knowing if I’ll click “publish” when I’m done or not…

…because I don’t want to think about it, but it’s all I can think about…

…because I shouldn’t speak for others, but I’m going to…

…because I firmly believe that the media over-sharing is what contributes to more events like this, and I don’t want to be a part of it, even in the small way of blogging, but I need to process…

A 27-year-old first grade teacher hid all her kids in closets and cupboards.  The gunman came to her room and she told him the kids were at P.E.  He killed her and moved on, and she saved the lives of all her kids.

And of course when I read about her, I picture my closets, my cupboards, my kids.

I am not watching the news.  Because on Monday morning, I have to go to an elementary school, a first grade classroom, and stay there for many hours.  And then do it again the next day.

We have all thought about it.  It’s the worst part of our job, knowing our school’s protocol, knowing what we would need to do.  Every drill leaves us fervently praying for two things…

…First, that we never, ever, ever have to experience this kind of event.

…Second, that we would have the strength to do whatever we needed to do to protect the kids.  By which we really mean, we pray for the faith to TRUST that in the moment, we would be given that strength.  “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds.”  (Philippians 4:7)

At this moment, I don’t have that strength.  I am given exactly what I need for today, nothing more, nothing less.  “Give us this day our daily bread.”  (Matthew 6:11)

I am not promised tomorrow.  I am promised that tomorrow’s worries will take care of themselves.  “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  (Matthew 6:34)

Best of all, no matter what happens, this place is not my home.  “For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.”  (Hebrews 13:14)

I have heard that courage is doing something in the face of fear.  I think that’s true, and a valuable thought.  But I think there is a more important one:  Faith is running to a God that is bigger than my fear, and letting Him drive it out.  Over and over and over again.  “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”  (2 Timothy 1:7)

Thank you for listening.  My heart is broken over the children who were lost, the teachers and adults who laid down their lives to save others.  I am running to God for promises of comfort, and I pray that those affected are doing the same.

(Obviously not my DPP photo.  Just a photo that makes me think of joy promised in the morning.)
photo credit: -RejiK via photopin cc


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