Definitions

Christianity:  The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.  Makes perfect sense.

Atheism:  The belief that there was nothing and nothing happened to nothing and then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything and then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself for no reason whatsoever into self-replicating bits which then turned into dinosaurs.  Makes perfect sense. 

I did not make these up.  🙂

But they both made me laugh out loud, if only for the reason that I actually do believe that the Jewish Zombie will make me live forever, and that the talking snake convinced the woman to eat from the magical tree.  Makes more sense to me than all the nothing suddenly turning into everything for no reason.  🙂

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sarah
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 06:54:08

    What a great start to my day! Thanks, Dawn!

    Reply

  2. Mom
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 08:02:17

    I love both definitions; they are accurate. The only correction I’ll make is that we do not symbolically eat His flesh. It really is his flesh, and it gives us a “blood transfusion,” so to speak, of His goodness.

    Reply

  3. Betty
    Mar 25, 2011 @ 17:16:06

    Paraphrasing from a teacher many, many years ago….nothing vs “something”…I will place my chips on “something”…cause if it really is nothing, well then nothing to lose or win…however if it is “something” then I will not have put all my chips on nothing and end up with nothing.

    Reply

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