Sunday Night Dread

A New York teacher’s blog says: “Sunday Night Optimism says, ‘I had a very nice weekend and I feel prepared to go back to work. Everything is going to be fine this week. Heck, I might even have reason to look forward to work this week.’  This is a fine feeling to have on Sunday night. Here I sit, a large pile of graded papers beside me, lessons ready for tomorrow, a tasty dinner in my belly and one more movie in the DVD player before I call it a weekend.”

I have no such feeling this year.  I always seem to have Sunday Night Dread.  Here I sit, having had a lovely 3-day weekend with no essential schoolwork whatsoever (a RARE occurrance!), have been entirely prepared for tomorrow’s lessons since Thursday afternoon, watching one last random sitcom before going to bed, and here are my thoughts:  “I do not want to go to work tomorrow.  I dread the alarm clock in the morning.  I dread the drive.  I dread a particular behavior case that has been a nightmare challenge this year.  I dread the Monday afternoon meetings, and how on Mondays my to-do list looks very manageable at 2:30, but completely out-of-control by 2:45.  I dread that feeling of utter incompetance that comes with not accomplishing everything that I would like to because of time limitations.”  I have got to get past this Sunday Night Dread thing.  It really brings down the enjoyment of the job…which is few and far-between this year, anyway.  It’s been going on since August, for crying out loud!  Good weeks, bad weeks…they all end up with Sunday Night Dread. 

I lay in bed, waiting to fall asleep, and I feel a knot in my stomach and pressure in my chest, like I’m on the verge of hyperventilating.  I can honestly say, I don’t think I’ve ever been under so much stress as this year.  I’m thinking of the times in my life with the most obligations and the most pressure, such as the audition season of junior and senior year in high school, between homework and work and practicing and traveling for auditions and contests on the weekends, not to mention other extracurricular activities.  Or one semester in college when I was trying to juggle three jobs…really bad idea!  Or when I got in over my head with consumer debt for awhile.  I don’t remember feeling physically stressed during those times.

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3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Doris Jacobs
    Mar 15, 2010 @ 10:00:05

    Soemthing sounds not quite right with this job this year. I pray you get it figured out and unload that stress soon! I really have no advice just prayers.

    Reply

  2. Betty
    Mar 18, 2010 @ 03:52:18

    I hope that you will be able to go back to preschool next year if that is what you want. Remember my theory, “listen to the gut”. The gut is usually right. Apparently God talks to me through my gut….:)

    Reply

  3. Trackback: Thinking On Purpose « Dawn's Place

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