Reflection

I am, if nothing else, efficient.  I like the electric stapler in the teachers’ workroom for big stapling tasks.  I find the most efficient order to do things in the shower, so that while my conditioner is soaking in I’m doing something productive, rather than just standing there.  I walk the dog, take out the trash, drop off the rent, bring in an armload of groceries, and get the mail, all in one trip.

Back in the day, when I worked at the day care center, you should have seen me change diapers!  Four clean and dry babies, no stress, no waiting.  🙂

But in the evening, it’s the dinking around that gets me.  I dink on facebook.  I dink on my blog.  I dink on other people’s blogs.  I dink on youtube.  And now, I dink on twitter!  I waste time, I don’t go to bed when I wanted to, I don’t get things done around the house that I would prefer to have accomplished.  Why, when inefficiency irritates me so?

Answer: processing.  I may like to do things fast, but in the end, I need lots of time to process.  There are moments when I don’t know what to do next, and mostly I want people not to tell me what to do next, or to ask questions about what I need, but just to allow me to experience what is happening.  “Just let it happen to me,” and then I’ll know what to do.  Let me spend plenty of time in the experience phase, and believe me, I will fly through the action that is required!

But before I can take action, I need to experience and reflect.  Which means, whatever happened to me today, I need to talk about it.  So I facebook.  And tweet.  And blog.  I have mistakenly believed that I facebook, tweet, and blog because it makes me feel like I’m not alone in the world, but the fact is, if I had a houseful of roommates or a husband or what have you, I would be spending the same time talking to them about it all.  It’s not an issue of alone or not alone, it’s an issue of where can I tell my stories?  When I tell my stories about what happened, about how I feel, about what I think…things get worked out.  I have to talk about it…and talk about it…and talk about it.  And then, I know what to do and I do it.

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