Bold & Authentic

11:34 P.M., 8% computer battery left, only time for bold, authentic blogging!  Ready, set, GO!

I love how when I get busier, I feel more balanced and less stressed.  I spend less time in front of the t.v. and more time going and doing.  Work, visiting Tara & Tessa (friend & new baby), choir practice…today added up to one of those days where I was going, but doing fun things all day.  It’s turning into those kinds of days a lot lately:  grad classes, yoga, friends, family, everything is wonderfully full and busy.

Yet…

I am tired of feeling like I’m letting everyone down at work.  I need to figure out how to get more done in the hours that I have there, so as not to feel this way anymore.

I want to run a 5K in April or May, among all the other things on my plate.  Need to figure out how to fit in running several times a week.  Need to downgrade the gym membership so I can still go to yoga, but I no longer have time to use the membership I currently pay for.  Need to downgrade the cable that I no longer have time to watch.  And that extra money will go toward tuition. 

The last time I was “happily over-busy,” I think I was a senior in college.  I wish I could remember if I got enough sleep back then.  This coffee addiction and this dread of morning couldn’t possibly be only in the past 5 years, but I think it might be.

I dread the morning.  I hate how I feel the first 30 minutes or so.  I want so badly to stay in bed and sleep through those 30 minutes.  I don’t mind waking up naturally, but for me it involves 30 minutes to an hour of waking up and falling back asleep several times.  Can’t really do that during the week.

I am feeling the crunch of knowing what I need to have done a week from now, and knowing what I should have done by today but don’t.  I need to focus on putting one foot in front of the other.  My coworker Amy says, “Just keep swimming!”  Everything is organized.  If I stop thinking about what I need to do next Wednesday, I won’t forget to do it all together.  Likewise, if I continue to rehash the last five days and try to figure out when I could have done that paperwork that a literacy strategist really needed from me by today, it won’t make that paperwork get done any faster.  What is right in front of me, on the table for tomorrow?  Nothing else matters at this moment.

In the morning:  Lunch is packed.  Clothes are ready.  Stop at Scooters.  🙂  Go to school.  Check mousetrap.  (Don’t ask!  But you may agree, it absolutely must be done FIRST!!!)  Gather up science materials from Wednesday that are set out to dry overnight.  Prep Thursday morning materials.  Do the paperwork for the lit strat.  Rearrange conference schedule and write notes to parents who need to be rescheduled.  Book totals for the principal.  Nutrition timesheets.  Prep Thursday afternoon materials if time. 

IN THAT ORDER!!!  I don’t need to think about the nutrition timesheets when I’m doing the literacy paperwork.  They will still be there.  I won’t forget to do them.  I often say that I am hard to work with because 90% of my day happens in my head.  I plan and think ahead, but I don’t always share with others who need to know.  Other teachers will come to a grade-level meeting with their binder and their data, and I come with just my calendar, and I can still talk about how my kids are doing, and who is where, and who scored what on what assessments, and who is struggling with this or making progress on that.  Well, my to-do list can be an actual physical list.  The entire list doesn’t always need to be in my head!  There is enough up there!  🙂

Two goals occur to me: 

One, do the work at work and leave it there.  Go early or stay or whatever, but then be done with it.  I mentioned this to a friend much earlier in the school year, and he told me soon after that he loved it.  I need to start taking my own advice again.

Two, get a bit more sleep.  I am a horrible complainer about how much more sleep I would like.  I need to stop complaining and take action.  I don’t want to sleep 10 hours a day.  (Really.  I don’t want to.  My body doesn’t want that much sleep, unless I’m long-term sleep deprived.)  But I don’t want to feel like this in the mornings anymore, and I don’t want to be dependent on the caffeine cycle to get me through.  A solid 8 hours most nights would be bliss.  A solid 8 hours for about 10 days in a row, to catch up, and I know that I will start waking up before my alarm, because my body wants a very solid 7 1/2 hours a night.

Maybe starting tomorrow night.  🙂  Tonight it’s now midnight, and I have 5 1/2 hours before the alarm rings.

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