Darkness

I occasionally forget that I don’t care about Grey’s Anatomy.

Or perhaps I occasionally forget that I love Grey’s Anatomy.

🙂

Either way, I finally caught up during the snowstorm last week.  And I remembered how much I love it.  Meredith might be a fictitious character, but in many ways she is me.  You know, a fictitious, dramatic, made-for-television-ratings me.  She reflects me so much that I have to tell you that I love it because of McDreamy and McSteamy.  (Whom I do, of course, adore!)  Or that I love it because it’s smart and funny and poignant.  (And I wouldn’t love it if it weren’t so well written.)  But the reason that I love it is because Meredith is me, in ways that I can’t begin to say out loud or write in a blog, but resonates true nonetheless.

So I remembered that I love it, and I realized that despite being caught up, there is a huge section of the story that I skipped all together.  I remember Derek getting his mother’s ring and deciding to propose, and then months and months later, I watched them get married on a post-it note.  A question arose…Well?  Did he ever propose???

Yes, in fact Derek did propose.  I watched that episode tonight, finally.  He proposed in the elevator!  How perfect is that?  And he didn’t offer flowers or exotic food, no, he filled the elevator with CT scans from surgical cases they had worked on together.  Seriously, how perfect is that? 

This is a CT of Katie Bryce, a 16 year old female, subarachnoid aneurism.  That was the first surgery we ever scrubbed in together, our first save.  Right here is a cerebral cyst.  A tough save, but we did it.  I kissed you in the stairwell, after that surgery.  And this right here is where Dr. Bailey kicked you out of the surgery because she caught us in your driveway in my car.  And right here, this is a seven hour craniotomy and you held the clamp the entire time, never flinched.  That’s when I knew you were going to be an incredible surgeon.  And Beth Monroe, made our clinical trial a success by surviving.  You talked me into putting her under.  That’s when I knew I needed you.  And this is today.  Post-op head CT of Izzy Stevens.  You see that right there?  Tumor free, because of you.

Perfect for them, that is.  I don’t think of CT scans as romantic, and I have no special affection for elevators.  (And I don’t know how to spell subarachnoid, or what it means.)  But for Derek and Meredith…perfect. 

They had to get through some really dark parts of the story before they reached this happy moment.  Meredith has experienced darkness her entire life, throughout her story.  Derek said about that: 

If there’s a crisis, you don’t freeze, you move forward.  You get the rest of us to move forward, because you’ve seen worse.  You’ve survived worse.  And you know we’ll survive too.  You say you’re all dark and twisty.  It’s not a flaw.  It’s a strength.  It makes you who you are.

When I feel myself starting to spin, to spiral into that dark place….maybe I can just pretend he’s talking about me.

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