A quick status update…

…I know I’m not supposed to let the dog sleep on my bed, but I never get to spend any time with him otherwise!  🙂

…Visited my five “returners” in my old preschool classroom today.  Missing them.  Missing preschool.  They miss me, which makes it even harder.  My little Moon-girl (not her real name, obviously) came running at me just like always, and told me I should come be her teacher again.  She was telling me all about the wonderful “new friends,” trying to convince me.  I feel like I should stay away so they can bond with the new preschool teacher, because I don’t want to make her job harder.  I left to choruses of their usual goodbye:  “Love you, Miss B!”  “Love you too, Moon!”  “Love you, Miss B!”  “Love you too, Heart!”  And so on.  (Not their real names, of course!)  It’s funny how these traditions continue.  That flippant “Love you, Miss B!” started with a little girl in my very first year of teaching preschool.  Because I always had returners, some of these traditions continued.  After four years, I’m attached to them as much as the kids are, apparently!

…Teaching 1st grade is hard.  Coteaching is hard.  This class is tough.  This job is not fun.  Teaching preschool was very hard, but also a lot of fun.  What the hell was I thinking???  Everyone has a year sometimes when they just can’t bear getting up and going to work.  Is this whole year going to be like that for me?

…Green smoothies = wonderful!  The other parts of the challenge (exercise, giving up sugar) = not so good.

…My apartment = a disaster.  It’s no excuse, but I’ve decided that when my life is overtaken by one big hard thing, the easy things get lost by the wayside.  If I have an hour or two of “free time” at home, I could clean or do dishes or laundry, but I don’t.  Because everything is all about this one big hard thing, and I can’t bear the thought of doing something else productive when I finally have a break from the one big hard thing.  But having a messy house and tasks left undone adds more stress, and it’s a big vicious cycle.  Also, I feel like I’m failing at the easy things when I can’t even keep my house in order, which leads to wondering if I can succeed at the big hard things if I fail at the easy things, so another big vicious cycle.

…Please, please, please God, let me sleep well tonight.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Doris Jacobs
    Aug 26, 2009 @ 10:51:15

    you have great basic teaching philosophy and skill. You believe every child can learn and deserves a chance to reach his or her potential. This will rub off on your co-teacher but never be as strong as it is in you. Don’t let her “less than this” attitude rub off on you. Your students deserve you as you are not as she or he wants you to be. The rest will fall into place as the year goes by. No one ever died from messy home syndrome.

    Reply

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