I will post more stories about this weekend later, with pictures, because I am now a woman of the 21st century with a digital camera. 🙂 But as you might know, being a bridesmaid is exhausting!!! I can’t imagine how exhausting it is to be a bride. When my turn comes, will someone remind me to exercise a lot so that I’m in great shape and have lots of energy? 🙂 But despite the exhaustion, I would like to reflect a bit on some lessons I learned this weekend…
This weekend I felt the pull to cling to God’s promises, no matter how difficult the situation. This was a hard weekend for me to be involved in a wedding, thanks to some very fresh relationship happenings in my own life. And exhaustion never helps difficult situations! God didn’t promise it would be easy, He promised that He would always be there. When I reach my breaking point, God gives me a rest, or more strength to go on, or opens another path. He will bring me to my breaking point over and over, because that is how we grow, but He will never leave me there alone.
Last night (or rather, this morning, when I finally went to bed!), I had a dream. The basic plot was, I was completely focused on a man who wasn’t interested in me, but dating a man who was great. Despite my complete focus on this man that wasn’t right for me, this other man continued to show me love and give me just what I needed. (You remember how strange my dreams are, so let’s leave it at that, without distracting ourselves with the crazy details!) I awoke from that dream in the middle of the night with such a gentle peace. I felt as though God was giving me a message. He was telling me to let go of my obsessive focus, or maybe look through or around it, and watch for the man that will be everything I need when I least deserve it.
Less than a week ago, a friend gave me some advice and told me to honestly make a list of what I am looking for in a man. Of course I have heard this tidbit of “wisdom” before, and I’ve never been comfortable with it. I don’t want to create an imaginary man who looks nothing like any real person. For example, I don’t want to get it in my head that my future husband will be in a certain line of work, or have certain physical appearance qualities, nothing that would be too specific and distract me from the reality that I don’t know yet what my future husband will be like! But over the course of the weekend, I felt like I was accidentally making a list. Actually, it feels like God has placed these things on my heart. It’s simple: He will love God as much as I do. He will follow God and lead me. He will pray with me. He will hug and kiss me all the time. That is all I need in this world.
God uses all kinds of ways to change us or get our attention. This weekend, for me, He used the absence of someone who I thought was important to me, and the example of a good friend who, after 13 years of friendship, continues to teach me and inspire me.