Hello, again!

It’s been awhile!  Well, nine days ago I finally blogged the last pictures from Seattle, and nine days is long enough.  But it’s really been awhile since I blogged about anything current.  May 31st was the last time I blogged about something that felt cathartic.  And that, as I’ve said a hundred times, is the point of this blog.  To tell my stories when I just gotta talk about it!

Lately I’ve been feeling “just gotta talk about it” about something specific.  But I can’t blog about it.  It’s too personal.  If this blog was anonymous, if no one who knows me actually read it, I would blog to my heart’s content about anything and everything.  But there are a few issues, and this is one of them, that I just don’t want you to know about.  And more than that, I don’t want your advice.  Sorry.  Think about all the things you don’t want me to know about.  See?  What if after I read about it, I could leave you a comment?  Would you want to know what my comment is?  No.  Thanks to a world-wide-web, we are used to this constant connection, uncensored communication, and butting our nose, invited, into other people’s lives.  So when there is something going on with me that is so personal, so close to my heart, I almost can’t bear not to share it.  That’s why I put my three widgets on the upper right corner of this page.  What I’ve been listening to, reading, and watching is a huge insight into what’s going on in my heart, and it’s a good way for me to connect without sharing details.  Of course, it’s a little like solving a puzzle.  You would have to know what scene I’m craving to see in that particular movie or show, what situation I connect that song to, and whether or not I’ve read that book before, and if so, what chapter makes me cry.  What character in that episode of that show makes my heart break?  What was I doing the first time I heard that song?  Who in that story do I fall in love with every time I read it or see it?  So you couldn’t figure it out anyway.  But I can “tell” you, even if I can’t really tell you.

Today I’m listening to “Let’s Dance” by Vanessa Hudgens, I’m watching Link and Tracy fall in love in Hairspray, and I’m craving to read The Healer by Dee Henderson.  Did you figure it out?  🙂

It’s actually a bit complex.  There is a flood in The Healer, and I feel like 50% of my conversations over the past week have centered around the flood.  Watching Link and Tracy fall in love makes me feel really good about myself.  That movie is so full of joy.  Tracy doesn’t hesitate to be who she is.  Watching Link’s apathy and fakeness at the beginning of the movie, followed by turmoil in the middle, followed by pure joy at the end, as he learns to be who he is and he falls in love with Tracy for who she is.  It makes me want to be exactly who I am.  To not apologize for what I love, what I want, the choices I make.  To not pretend to be someone else.  To not cover up my hurts and insecurities with choices that aren’t me.  I know that sounds way too deep for just a silly, joyous musical.  But that’s the truth.  And finally, I want to hear “Let’s Dance” because I’m falling hard for someone who a couple of weeks ago, wore a tux, complimented my dress, and asked me to dance. 


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Doris
    Jun 20, 2008 @ 09:18:20

    Sounds like it is time for the old fashioned paper and pencil journal that when you get it all sorted out you can then burn or otherwise dispose of safely and securely. Sometimes the new is not the best means to getting the job done. I have a few of those blank notebooks around that I have used to let my thoughts ramble and then I get the ideas sorted out (if I am supposed to sort it out.) I hope the flooding around the mid west isn’t too bad along the Missouri. With all the news focused on local flooding I feel like I know nothing about the rest of the world the past 2 weeks. I wish it could be more balanced so we don’t become so self oriented.

    I love you and know you will work it out in your heart and in your mind.


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