Joy & Pain

Thank you, my friend!  🙂  Tara is the best, isn’t she? 

I’m feeling a lot better today.  My para was back at work, little naughty and I had an okay day, and I got a good night’s sleep last night.  I played sand volleyball with some church friends tonight, and the sand and the sun were just glorious.  But…I have something sort of…pathetic and embarassing…to add.  I watch t.v. on dvd as my background noise at home.  That’s why I never really see any new shows, because for me, it seems much more enjoyable to watch t.v. that has no commercials.  I tend to watch an entire series, in order, over the course of however many weeks or months of time it takes.  And, it’s not even like I really watch a whole lot of it, it’s just on in the background as I’m doing laundry or paying bills or whatever.  But there seems to be a place in each series where life stinks for the characters for awhile.  In Friends, Rachel and Ross break up.  In Grey’s Anatomy, Derek’s wife comes into town and ruins Meredith’s life.  In Dawson’s Creek, Pacey breaks up with Joey, and is really mean to her in the process.  And in One Tree Hill, I am currently to the place in season 2 where Haley is about to leave Nathan to go on tour.  Things get pretty dark for awhile.  It’s like I’m scared to keep watching because I know it’s going to get worse before it gets better.  At the same time, I can’t just skip ahead to the part where Haley comes home, because it won’t be as good unless I feel the pain.  There is an episode called “How a Resurrection Really Feels,” where Haley and Nathan finally express their love for each other again, and watching that part of the story feels good…but only because it’s felt bad for so long.  If I skip ahead to that part of the story, it will feel nice, but I won’t feel the joy of the healing relationship…fictitious though it may be!

For me, there is a parallel in real life.  I have always loved the duality of life…the sweetness and the sorrow, the pain and the joy.  I don’t want to always be happy, because it doesn’t mean much if there’s nothing to contrast it to.  Do I enjoy the pain?  No, I suppose not.  Look at how I behaved yesterday.  Clearly, that was not an enjoyable or satisfying experience.  At the same time, I tend to embrace it when it happens.  As you could see yesterday, I didn’t want to feel better.  I was basically looking for things to make me feel worse!  I couldn’t fake joy if I tried.  But the joys of today were so sweet.  Every joy that is experienced in life is sweet because there is also pain to be experienced.  Otherwise joy would be nothing.


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