The Countdown Resumes

SEVEN DAYS LEFT!!!!  In the midst of everything that’s been going on in my life recently, I stopped counting down.  I move in ONE WEEK!!!

Today’s task…pack the bookshelves.

So, what’s been going on in my life?  You’ve read bits and pieces, how about a little update?  I’m procrastinating the packing…I’d much prefer to unpack once I get to the new place!

The Boy…there is no more confusion or wondering.  We are definitely a couple.  We are taking things nice and slow, because we care so much about each other that we don’t want to screw it up by rushing things.  We are finally past the part that makes me so uncomfortable…We know how each other feels, the lines of communication are open.  Every time I’m in a relationship, I say that it’s different from any other relationship, but it’s always true!  It doesn’t mean that I know if this relationship is “the one,” because I don’t know that yet.  How could I?  But this relationship is different from the others because I trust him.  Completely.  I trusted him completely a long time ago, when we were just friends.  This is the first time I’ve trusted a guy so completely so soon into the relationship.  The Boy is first and forever my friend, and I honestly don’t think he can ever screw that up by anything that comes along with the “couple-ness.”  It surprised me when I realized how much I trust him.  But then again, everything has been surprising me about him!

I do this thing in relationships, usually.  When I find out the guy is interested, I stop being myself.  I try to be whatever I think the guy would like the best.  It’s ridiculous.  The Boy doesn’t let me do that.  He pushes me to stand up for myself, for my opinions, for whatever I think, no matter if he agrees or not.  I don’t know how.  🙂  He brings out the most “me” in me.  If that makes any sense.

Westroads…We as a city, as a community, are moving forward and healing.  A friend of a friend explained her experience of going back to Westroads on her blog, and the one thing that stood out to me was how healing it was for her to go alone.  I was not ready to do that on the day it reopened, but I will be.  And I need to go alone.  As I’ve said, I’m not afraid to go to the mall, I’m afraid that something will happen to me while I’m alone.  That’s a theme that runs through my life, it really has nothing to do with malls.  I’m fearless, for the most part, as long as someone who cares about me is right beside me when the bad stuff happens.  That’s a selfish feeling, I realize that.  If something bad happens to me, wouldn’t I rather that the people who I care about are safe, away from me?  That would be the selfless thought, but I just can’t get there.  So I need to turn “alone” into a positive.  I need to go to Westroads, look at all the snowflakes people have made, add my own, and then get on with life by shopping at New York & Company, The Body Shop, all my favorite stores.  Asking someone to go to the mall with me won’t solve the problem.  I’m shaken, and I’m a little bit scared right now, but I refuse to give up my shopping.  Wandering through stores on my own is how I clear my head sometimes, and I refuse to let this take that away from me.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Doris
    Dec 17, 2007 @ 15:15:51

    anytime someone can bring out more of you than you can bring out on your own they are not filling your gaps but forcing you to fill your own. It is a healthy way to live. Congratulations on feeling so good about this friendship/relationship/coupleship or what ever you call it.

    As you get moved I may have a lead on a music keyboard that is good and ready to play wiht no additional parts needed, but get settled first. One stressor/concern/distraction at a time.
    Love you,


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