I’m feeling blue.  I don’t exactly know why.  The Boy and I lifted weights tonight, and he wasn’t very motivated.  He came anyway, I don’t know why, and he was just tired from his weekend and kind of lethargic the whole time.  Also, he kind of gave me a hard time about deciding to move to a new apartment. 

Well, I said I don’t know why I feel down.  I know exactly why.  I take on other people’s emotions as my own.  It’s what makes me cry at movies and books, and feel excited at a sports event or a concert, stuff like that.  It also makes me a better friend, I think.  But it makes me really care about what other people think of me, beyond what I should.  It’s like what other people think of me, or what I think other people think of me, becomes what I think about myself.  It’s stupid.  The truth is, The Boy gave me a hard time about deciding to move.  He is my friend and he’s a really great guy.  If he actually thought it was a bad idea, he would actually discuss it with me.  I know him giving me crap about this is just the same as him giving me crap about everything else.  We banter because we enjoy each other.  But that’s not even the point!  If The Boy did have a problem with my decision, I should listen to his reasoning because he’s my friend and I trust him.  But in the end, I need to make the best decision for me, despite what his opinion is. 

How do I always find this place in relationships where I’m basically people-pleasing?  I mean any relationship, friendship, work relationship, whatever.  Where is the point when I lose all my own opinions and feelings and become a sponge for the other person’s?  And how can I stop?


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Betty
    Dec 03, 2007 @ 19:51:04

    Does “the boy” live in the apartment complex where you currently live? Was the “crap” because he would now be farther from you?


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