First and foremost, happy birthday to my sister Sarah!!! (For one more minute, at least!!!)
I am so sorry, everyone, that you have to read about my stupid issues! On the other, hand, no, you don’t! Go read something else if you want! 🙂
This post will be about a guy. I’m going to call him “he” or “him,” I’m not going to use his name. Just in case we ever get close enough that he finds out about this blog. Here’s the thing about the blog…My new friends, people I have met in the last three years, don’t know about it. My old friends, the ones that are trusted and will be here for me no matter what stupid crap I put on this blog, those are the friends who know about it. I’m fine with keeping it that way. But someday, I may get close enough to someone that he will know about the blog, and that’s fine. But whoever he is, he doesn’t need to know this guy’s name. And if it turns out to be this guy (Oh dear God, don’t let my train of thought go in that direction!), then I may come back and delete this if it makes him uncomfortable.
I think we had our second date tonight. The first one, he invited me over to his place to hand out candy on Halloween. Just the two of us, we both obviously made an effort to look nice, he had a plan (carve pumpkin, eat pizza, pass out candy, watch scary t.v…), it just felt like a date. Except there was no date-related activity. (Get your mind out of the gutter! I mean hand holding, kissing, stuff like that. First date stuff!) There was a bit of scooting closer on the couch. That’s it.
Tonight’s date…or whatever…He called me last night, asked me if I wanted to see A Christmas Carol at the Playhouse with him, made a plan to pick me up. Picked me up. Paid for dinner. A bit of scooting closer in the theater, but no first-date type stuff. Took me for dessert and drinks. Dropped me off. Hugged. Watched to make sure I got into my apartment okay.
These are dates, yes?
You know what, I don’t care! I DON’T CARE!!!! Date or no date, he is AWESOME! I’ve told you all this before. He sees himself as obnoxious, a pain in the ass, the one who always has to argue, whatever. What he doesn’t realize is that everything he touches is better for him having been there. He always says what he thinks, but the best part is, you can count on him to make sure you have a chance to say what you think, too. And he will truly appreciate your opinion, even if he can’t agree with it. This is how I think the world should be. In bible study, I have come to rely on him. There’s one particularly frustrating, argumentative person who I feel very uncomfortable with. If he (my maybe-date) is sitting next to me, I feel okay about it, though. I feel safe from this other person’s verbal attacks. I feel like I will be protected in saying what I think, like maybe he can keep this other person from interrupting long enough for me to get my thoughts out. I want him around me, all the time, for any reason, whether he wants to date or be friends or whatever.
There are some guys that talk about the “friend zone,” where they have a relationship with a girl that they would like to turn romantic, but it never will because the girl sees them only as a friend, not a member of the opposite sex. He is my friend, the kind where no matter what he does, I want to be his friend for the rest of my life. But we are not in the “friend zone.” I hope he can tell the difference.
It occurred to me today that in the best relationship of my life thus far, the beginning moved more slowly than I expected it to. Looking back, I wish I would have trusted that boyfriend more. He waited to take each next step until it was really, really the right time for it. So then my little voice said, Well, do you trust this guy? Yes. With my life, with my faith, with my capture the flag strategy, with my problems, with my joys. With everything I have. So can you trust him with this? Of course. That’s what it boils down to, so often, isn’t it? I don’t have to know what is going on, or what will happen in the future. I just have to trust the one who’s calling the shots. Not that he’s calling all the shots. I just mean, he wouldn’t knowingly lead me in harm’s way on the capture the flag field, much less when it comes to my heart. I trust him completely. For now, that’s all I need to know.