Working towards a right focus…

Seriously, I thought for sure that my last post would be avoided like the plague!  I figured people would read the first couple sentences, be like Oh, great, she’s working through her personal issues by typing them out for all of us to read again! and just leave it.  And then I come back tonight and there are three comments!  So Sarah, Doris, Becky, you guys are the best!  And of course, I appreciate anyone who read it but didn’t comment.  The value is in writing it, but it makes me feel really cared about that anybody would read it! 

I said I would give it 24 hours and then come back to the blog with anything I’ve considered or realized so far.  Well, I hid the scale away on the top shelf of my linen closet before I went to bed last night.  So of course, I didn’t weigh myself this morning.  It’s like an addiction, in a way.  I have to break the urge to weigh myself.  All day long it’s been in the back of my mind…I don’t know what I weigh today!  Did I gain a half pound or a pound with the food at the Pampered Chef party last night?  Did I stay the same?

On the other hand, I think I’ve eaten exceptionally good today, without even thinking about it really.  Breakfast was scrambled eggs with cheese, and juice.  For lunch I had a frozen Lean Gourmet meal of shrimp with pasta and veggies, and an applesauce cup.  Supper was a hummus, tomato, and cheese sandwich on whole grain bread.  (Don’t gag, it was excellent!  You haven’t lived until you’ve tasted good hummus, I tell you!)  I visited the candy stash at work several times today and had one fun size candy bar and about three reese’s mini peanut butter cups.  And after supper I had cake and ice cream.  Two servings.  Well, we can’t change everything all at once, right?  🙂  Today I didn’t weigh myself.  That’s a huge step!  Maybe tomorrow I can break the two-servings-of-dessert habit!

But the point, in my opinion, is that I enjoyed it!  I didn’t think about how many calories was in the different parts of my meals.  I was free to eat what sounded good, what I craved.  Also, when I wasn’t hungry or eating, I was free to actually concentrate on the rest of my life!  I wasn’t thinking about different choices for the next meal that would add up to the magic number of calories.  I could just live.  Crazy.  🙂

I think I mentioned that I was going to aim for some ways to focus on the right things instead of the wrong ones.  Here we go:

-I can focus on feeding my hunger with a good balanced diet, rather than depriving my body by eating as little as I can.

-I can focus on dressing in clothes that I feel great in, rather than focusing on the hope of wearing a certain size.

-I can focus on exercising for positive reasons, rather than as a way to burn calories.  I am the queen of excuses, and I love my couch time, so there will probably be a need for a variety of positive reasons.  A few: To help me sleep good.  To help me need less sleep.  To help me have more energy.  To make it easier to do everyday things.  Because it’s a good excuse to read a magazine while I sit on the stationary bike or do the eliptical machine.  Because the people who I see as fit and healthy do it.  (Not completely a positive reason, but some days, pretty dang effective!)  Because I want to run a 5K in April.  Because it’s a challenge.  Because if I get in an exercise habit now, I have a better chance of being a healthy little old lady who walks miles and miles every week rather than shooting up with insulin and getting her hip replaced.  (No offense to those who do need insulin and joint replacements, I’m just playing the odds here.  Clearly these things run in the family, I could easily end up walking miles a week AND dealing with these things, but it would be in my best interest to try and head them off, no?)  And the one that is the most joyful…Because it just feels so stinkin’ good to do it!

I heard somewhere that many people with weight problems or food issues have a childish mentality of wanting what they want, when they want it.  Well, in a time when I’m actually trying to actually act my age instead of acting more mature than I am, it was a surprise to me to realize that I could take a lesson from that statement!  I don’t really have a weight problem, and I don’t really have food issues, if you think about it.  I have just gotten used to getting exactly what I want when I want it.  And, I have this attitude of I’m an adult, I can do it if I want to!  Which is, of course, a very childish attitude.  You’re not the boss of me!  But it leads me to go extreme.  Not only will I have exactly what I want when I want it, but I will have it instead of something that is healthy, and I will have three huge servings of it.

A more adult thing to do…I think…would be to stop a moment and consider why I want it.  Am I hungry?  Is there something healthy that I could have first, so that I get some nutrients before I fill up with all the sugar and fat?  Or am I tired?  I have a bad habit of hoping candy will give me an energy boost when I’m tired.  I can’t go back in time and get more sleep last night, of course, but can I have a cup of coffee instead?  It’s more effective, anyway!  🙂  Am I bored or zoned out in front of the t.v.?  What else can I do?  Does my house need cleaning, or is there a project I’ve been putting off (ahem, scrapbooking) that I could engage in?  At the risk of replacing one problem with another, since I can see myself finding much to buy, would I enjoy walking around the mall and window shopping?  Poking around at Goodwill?  Or free stuff…Browsing through the library for awhile?  Walking the trail?  Anything to get me out of the house and into a new environment would probably solve the boredom.  Or, if I want to remain zoned out with the t.v., is there laundry I can fold?  Bills to pay?  Nails to file?  Something to keep my hands busy while my brain can stay pretty much zoned out.

Seriously, if you’ve read this far, I can’t believe it.  Aren’t you bored???  🙂

So tomorrow, I’m going to grocery shop, stock up my kitchen with good stuff from the farmer’s market and the store.  It’s supposed to be gloriously cold, so I’m going to hit the pavement and burn some serious energy, listen to some tunes, leave the dog at home, and just enjoy the weather!  Oh, and I’m going to bed at a decent time tonight even though it’s Friday and sleeping until I wake up tomorrow, and try to break my cycle of not getting enough sleep.  It’s not wasted time, it’s beauty rest, right?  🙂


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