The sunny spin…

Told ya.  🙂

I’m fine.  I’m so fine I can’t even explain it.  If I were married now, that would mean that I’ve dragged the love of my life through some really crappy things.  For example, I made a mess of my money when I first got a “real” paycheck.  And that’s one of the more superficial challenges I’ve faced.  I know I won’t ever be perfect, but the more growth that I can get out of the way before I drag someone else into it, the better. 

Everybody (by which I mean my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles…the grown-ups) seemed to think so highly of me when I was in high school, and when I first went to college.  They thought I was such a responsible, mature teenager, and I guess I was.  But it’s taking me a long time to get from responsible, mature teenager to responsible, mature adult.  There are people in my life that seemed to just wake up one day and be the responsible adult, with no effort whatsoever.  I had a lot of irresponsible, immature moments between then and now.  Truthfully, I have no reason to believe that the irresponsibility and immaturity is behind me! 

Guess what?  Most of the time I DON’T CARE!  I embrace the journey of irresponsibility and immaturity!  Well, that’s not exactly what I mean.  Let’s try this thought again…

I screw up a lot.  But much of the time those mistakes lead to experiences that I never would have had otherwise, experiences that have made me grow.  So I embrace the idea of risking making a wrong choice once in awhile, because it’s the riskiest moves that bring the greatest reward. 

Not to mention…If I were married now, I probably wouldn’t be considering moving far, far away with Sarah next year!  If I decide to go for it, I know it will be one of the most significant events of my life.  I’ve already talked about this a little.  It will be the first time I make such a big choice purely because I just want to, I just think it’s the right thing for me right now.  Staying here is clearly the easier choice–I already have a job, an apartment, people, a church, things to do practically every evening if I want.  I wouldn’t be going for a better career opportunity, or anything like that.  It would be a choice just for me, because I want to try it and see what happens.  I don’t know what I will decide, but I love the freedom to consider it without taking into consideration someone else’s career or desires. 

So there’s your sunny spin.  🙂  I want to get married someday, of course.  So until that day comes–by which, I mean whenever I find out whether or not that will happen–I’m just gonna keep taking risks and growing and hopefully be a better me, for the person who I will drag through it all, and for me too.


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