I think I’m free…

…or at least, on my way.  About the guy I told you about last night–I was thinking earlier today, I feel nothing towards him, nothing toward that experience in my life.  Not mad, not resentful.  Nothing.  Maybe I need to find a way to view the experience in a positive light.  I’ve been mad, I’ve been sad, but I’ve never been…grateful.  Not necessarily for the boy, but for the experience.

(By the way, if you are not aware of all the details of this situation, you don’t need to be.  It’s not as dramatic as it might sound.  It was just a relationship with a guy that appeared to be just fine, but slowly grew into someone cruelly selfish.  That is all.)

The obvious things came up.  I am less willing to change myself to fit someone else now.  I am more willing to be alone than to be with a person who isn’t right for me.  I learned more about what the right person will be like.  All true, but not that big.

Then it came to me.

I ended the relationship with this boy.  I am the one that finally stood up and said, you may not treat me this way.  I am the one that decided I didn’t want him in my life anymore.  I stopped it.  It was, I think, the strongest moment of my life thus far.

I never thought of it that way before.  As a result of this experience in my life, I know that no matter what kind of situation I find myself in, I can fix it.  If I make a choice that turns out to be the wrong one, I will be able to fix it.  If I take a risk and it goes badly, I will be okay. 

I think I’m free.  Finally.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Tara
    May 28, 2007 @ 21:43:23

    When reading your last 2 posts I thought of this year’s WOF conference, Amazing Freedom. “Those who are free, are free indeed!” I then thought of Nicole C. Mullen’s Freedom song and had to look up the lyrics. Here is goes:

    Freedom
    I’m telling myself so I’ll know
    I speak to my heart like a daughter
    Someties it’s hard to let go
    Sometimes the staying is harder
    So farewell broken heart
    This is where we must part
    Fare the well cloudy days
    Moods of Blue, Shades of Gray
    I thought I heard love loud and clear
    It said it would be mine if only
    I learn to let go of my fear
    And cradle the hope of what could be
    So Farewell broken heart
    This is where we must part
    Fare thee well cloudy days
    Moods of blue, shades of gray
    Rain go away, Don’t come again another day
    So farewell broken heart
    This is where we must part
    Fare thee well cloudy days
    Moods of blue, shades of gray

    Reply

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