one of the best weekends ever!

Don’t worry, new pictures will be coming soon! 

This weekend Blake and Becky came and stayed with me.  We had an awesome weekend.  On Friday, Chad joined us and we met Becky’s friend Nate and his friend James for supper at Jobber’s Canyon.  Then we went to the Underground and enjoyed some long islands. 

On Saturday, Becky and Blake and I went to lunch and Runza, which has the BEST fries!  Then we visited Chad at the bike store and we each tested out a new bike.  After that we went to visit Becky’s friend Janelle who just had her twin boys this week.  They are cute and so tiny, and it will be so exciting for Janelle to watch them grow, because I’m sure they’ll grow fast! 

On Saturday night we went with Tara, Chad, and Nate to the piano bar to drink and watch the dueling pianos.  It was awesome!  What an idea for entertainment!  Plus, we could sing along, as loud as we wanted, while drinking.  It was tons of fun, and I hope I can go there again soon. 

Right towards the end of things, as we were driving home, it hit me how much it sucks that my relationship with Bristol ended.  As I’m sure you read in a previous update, I haven’t felt that way AT ALL since it ended.  But I got that drunk tearfulness that I’ve seen other people get sometimes, and it was very unsettling.  Somebody in the group said, “If you are only upset about it when you’ve drunk yourself into oblivion, you must be all right!”  I don’t remember who said it, but just for the record, I had NOT drunk myself “into oblivion!”  But they were right.  I was laughing at myself just as much as I was crying, but I just couldn’t stop crying. 

When Becky and Blake and I got back to my place, I was reminded why I love having Blake as a friend so much.  I was so intent that I should stop crying, because I wasn’t upset about it before, why should I be upset now?  But I just couldn’t stop!  Blake suggested that I must have actually been upset and hurt somewhere deep down, and the alcohol brought it out, as we all know alcohol can do.  He said that pushing it back down won’t make it go away, you just have to let yourself feel it because that’s part of living.  He was right of course, and somehow I was able to just let go and let myself feel sad about it all.  And we sort of just kept talking about it, and even though it was drunk talking on my part, I was able to realize what the deal was.  I am absolutely not willing to settle for someone who isn’t right for me anymore.  This seems so common sense, but it has taken a long time and a lot of relationships for me to get to this point.  I know Tara has worried for a long time that I am going to settle for someone who isn’t good enough because I would rather be with someone than wait for the right one.  Well, now I have completely given over the control of that part of my life.  God will send me the right person, at the right time, if He wants me to be somebody’s wife.  I don’t want the control anymore.  And that means that since I don’t have the control, that dream might not ever happen for me.  And THAT is what I was upset about.  And now that I am once again sober, I realize that I was actually upset about that even before the relationship ended.  It’s an adjustment to willingly offer to give up your biggest dream for your life for the sake of going with God’s plan for your life.  Even though it is absolutely the right thing for me, and I want God to be in control.  I know he has a much better plan than I could ever create on my own, even if His plan doesn’t include me getting married.  And I don’t know whether it does or not, I just know that if it’s not the person God wants for me, then I don’t want him for me either.

(Interesting, drunkenness and God’s plan for my life all in one paragraph…)

So then Becky and Blake and I just kept talking, and our conversation wandered around to a million different things, and I don’t even know how it happened but suddenly it was about 4 a.m.!  Yikes!  This morning we went to the Summer Kitchen with Tara and Chad for brunch, and then Becky and Blake left.  I enjoyed some napping in the afternoon, and tonight Tara and Chad and I watched The West Wing of course.  No t.v. update, just one thing…SAM IS BACK!!!!    My absolute favorite character, who left a couple of seasons ago. 

And now I’m off to bed to sleep away some more of the late night last night.  It’s been an awesome weekend, to have Becky and Blake here, and to see Nate again because he’s pretty fun to hang out with, and to see so much of Tara and Chad.  We should definitely do things like that more often!!!

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