Resolved… December 27, 2008

What kind of a Christmas would it be if the weather didn’t mess with our plans? 

I was planning on traveling to see more family today, but on that side of the state there is too much winter weather to make it safe.  Freezing rain, turning to snow tonight, winter storm warning…it’s just not safe.  I’d rather arrive safely than arrive today, so I will wait until tomorrow.  So, here I sit at my mom’s dining room table, munching on holiday treats (what do you mean, that’s not an appropriate breakfast food???), and thinking about what I could blog.  And then….the idea hit me…my new year’s resolution!

I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.  This year, 2009, I’m going to fall into the “most common resolution” category and make a health-related resolution.  But…what makes a good resolution?  You always hear things like measurable goals, manageable and doable, etc.  Okay…  My first thought was a certain weight.  To finally lose my freshman 25.    But the thing is, I can make choices about what I eat and what I do, but my weight is God’s business, in the end.  So then I thought, okay, how about a goal about what I eat or do?  We all know that me making goals or rules about what I eat is a recipe for disaster.  But I would like to get in a better habit of exercising.

So here is the plan:  I will work out at least 200 times in 2009.  That’s my resolution.  That is all!

That’s about four times a week.  I think that’s reasonable, because if I’m sick or unable to exercise for a week here and there, I can easily make up the workouts at another time, and still reach my goal.  This resolution also has room to grow and change throughout the year.  I’m not committing to one form of exercise or another, I’m not committing to reach a certain level of fitness, I’m just committing to exercise.  The rest will fall into place.

For now, I think my tentative plan is to go to yoga at least once a week, go to the gym to do weights and cardio twice a week, and take the dog for a long walk once or twice a week, depending on the weather.  This plan will result in four to six workouts per week.  During the winter, I have to depend on indoor activities like cardio machines and yoga class.  In the summer, I will have ultimate frisbee, running and walking outside, biking, many more choices.  So I’m not going to make a plan cast in stone for the entire year.  For now, for this weather, this is what I will try.

I’m going to keep track of it by creating a checksheet, sort of.  I will check off a number each time I workout, and I will be able to see throughout the year whether I am on track or ahead or behind. 

Do I need a reward for the end of the year, you ask?  No, I do not.  I don’t want this to be something that is finished on December 31st, 2009.  I’m building a habit here.  However, the natural reward will be that I feel great, look great, and have a healthier body.

Presents and Gifts December 23, 2008

I love presents!  I love shopping for presents, making presents, wrapping presents, giving presents, opening presents, watching people open presents.  I’ve decided the trick for shopping for presents is that you have to let go of the idea that you’re going to find the perfect present.  The recipient will appreciate the present because it came from you, their beloved friend or family member.

And then, I don’t mind if you return it or sell it or re-gift it to someone else.  If you can’t use what I gave you, or you already have one, or whatever, please do use it however you can, to get something else or to pass a thoughtful gift forward.  Tell me or don’t, it’s up to you.  This present, this thing, is my gift to you.  But the gift is whatever you make it.  Please, take my present and enjoy it.  My gift to you is the enjoyment that you might receive from this present.  Or, please, return it to the store.  Exchange it for something else.  In that case, the gift is the opportunity to go shopping for something you would enjoy.  Or, save it until you think of someone who might enjoy it, and then wrap it up and give it to them.  In that instance, my gift to you is the joy of giving a gift to someone else you love.  Just, whatever you do, take my present, and turn it into a gift from me.

Goal: Eating Healthfully December 20, 2008

Why should I eat right?  It feels good.  I feel much better when I’ve eaten something good for me than when I’ve eaten junk.  It’s good for me.  Obviously.  Nutritious food will build much healthier cells in me than junk.  And, just like exercise, the icing on the cake is that good nutrition makes me look healthy, and “healthy” looks a lot better than “full of junk food.” 

How can I eat right?  Not so much the specifics of what to eat, because I know that in and out, upside down and backwards.  But, how do I do it?  How do I fit that kind of eating in my life?  I’ve said before, it’s very easy to get take-out or fast food, to warm up something in the microwave, basically to eat whatever is quickest to prepare.  I love to cook, I love to make things that take hours of prep time, but the vast majority of my days, I don’t have hours of prep time.  So I need to find ways to make the easiest choice something that is very healthy, very feel-good food.

I also have to make the healthy choice taste good.  Plain peas do nothing for me.  I will choose to eat cake and ice cream for dinner over plain peas, every time.    So I need to prepare healthy foods in ways that I like, so that I will want to eat the healthy foods.

I have two specific “tricks” that I know help me.  One, I can plan meals and cook food as though I’m feeding other people.  If I were feeding children, would I let them eat just chips and salsa and sour cream for dinner???    So, if I can cook as though I’m feeding children, I cook a healthy balance of the food groups for a meal.  If I cook as though I’m feeding myself, I don’t cook, I really do eat chips and salsa for dinner, or just an entire bag of broccoli, or whatever.  The usual issue, it’s easier to take care of other people than yourself.

The second “trick,” if you want to call it that, is to take advantage of the times I do have time to cook extensively.  I make a big batch, as though I am feeding a whole family, and then I freeze it in plastic containers.  Healthy, cheap, homemade microwave entrees!

Oh, and I guess there is one more trick that is specific to me…  Keep my mind on fruit!  I love fresh fruit.  Can’t live without it.  Really, I think I would get sick if I went too many days without fresh fruit.  When I come home hungry at 4:30, my mind generally goes straight to sugar.  Brownies, candy, ice cream.  But if I make it a point to turn my mind to fruit, to open the fridge and wash an apple or a grapefruit, I feel great.  Fresh fruit with a meal or as a snack makes me feel great, and it makes me comfortable and hunger-free until the next meal, and I swear, it makes a more comfortable hunger feeling when the next meal does come around.

Go ahead, call me crazy if you want. 

I think I need an orange…

Intuition December 18, 2008

It’s not magic or anything.  And I wouldn’t say it’s “women’s intuition,” because I don’t know why a woman would have this gift any more than a man.  But whatever it is…  I’ve got it.

I can feel it when school is going to be canceled.  Remember, I’ve been on a “school schedule” forever.  Since early in high school, I’ve only been wrong a couple of times.  It’s not like I’ve kept data, but when everyone is buzzing about school being canceled the next day, I can feel whether they’re right or they’re wrong.  As a teacher, I think it has to do with the disposition of the kids.  When the weather is going to be bad enough for school to be canceled, they go a little more crazy than usual.  But Santa is coming soon, so I wasn’t sure if that was the cause of their craziness today.  Also, if you look out the window, you can never see any signs that the weather will get bad.  I saw the sun for most of the day today, and yet…  I am never certain, but I’m generally right.  I can just feel it.  I could never explain the evidence to you that would prove it.  But it is not magic.  It is just something I know, without really knowing how I know it.

So, while I was trying to stay awake so I could watch the school closings, I was watching Grey’s Anatomy.  I’m to the very end of season 2.  (Not just tonight, of course!  I watch it in order, same with Friends, but off and on over months.)  I just watched Derek and Meredith put their dog down.  That scene gets me teary every time.  Now I’m going to watch Derek and Meredith reach a new level of complicated in their relationship, and Izzy is going to find Denny dead in his hospital bed.  And it will end with Meredith between Finn and Derek, presumably contemplating which man she wants to pursue.  And then I’m sure I’ll watch just one more episode, because I can’t just stop watching at a cliffhanger! 

Exhaustion December 17, 2008

It comes with the week of too much.  Too much work.  Too many preschoolers.  Not enough paraeducators.  (Actually, no paras.  Just me.  And ALL the preschoolers.  Mostly who are only children, who need, like, 20 hours of attention in a 7 hour school day.  Each.  That is 140 hours of ME in one 7 hour school day.)  Too much snow.  Too many slippery roads.  Too many dreams about people I can’t see today, but just get to think about all day long.

(Get your head out of the gutter.  I dreamed I lived in some kind of apartment that was more like a dorm room, because I had to leave my apartment to go take a shower in the big dorm-like bathroom.  Except this bathroom was in another building, a bathroom building like you would find at a beach or a campground.  So I had to leave my apartment, go outside in the snow, in the dark at 5:30 a.m., to go take a shower.  And on my way, I ran into Mike.  Like, he was walking down the sidewalk in one direction, and here I come in the other direction, in my pajamas and snow boots, and it was like, “Hey, I didn’t expect to see you at this time of day!”  Weird, weird, weird, just like most of the dreams I have.)

I’ve decided procrastination is the devil’s toy.  I am an awful procrastinator.  But it feels so good to do something right away, instead of putting it off.  If I put it off, and things happen beyond my control, getting it done becomes huge stress.  Wouldn’t it feel better if it was done already?  So this week turned out to be a lot harder than I thought it would be.  So what?  It would have been so nice to know that what I needed to have done by Friday was done already.

I’ve decided that there are tasks in this world that can avoid procrastination altogether.  They can either be done right away, or they can be forgotten.  If it is unneccesary, and it has been procrastinated, and it would release some stress to just let it go, maybe that’s what should be done.

Answers: Jesus December 16, 2008

Do you like my new method of organization?    It was somewhat accidental.  I seem to have two trains of thought on this blog lately–searching for answers about faith, and accomplishing my goals to build healthy habits.  My method of naming each post makes it clear which topic I plan to talk about.

Not that you need to care, if you don’t want to!  This blog is my place to reflect, as always. 

How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time.  I’m sure you’ve heard that before.  It’s a funny little saying, because the question always comes to my mind, WHY would you eat an elephant???  But the spirit of the saying is true.  If we are going to eat this elephant of “Understanding My Catholicism,” we are going to do it one bite at a time.  I can’t tell you, in one or two paragraphs, all the things I need to work through regarding Catholicism.  I can’t even tell you how many “things” there are.  All I know is, I need to search for answers.  (And yes, I have a feeling I will be searching for answers in some way for my entire life.  This is not a crisis of faith in any way, this is how it is supposed to be.)

One tiny bite is Jesus.  Who he is, what he came for, what he accomplished.  The phrase came to my mind the other day, “Can someone please tell me in plain English why Jesus died on the cross???”  As a cradle Catholic, I know that “Jesus died for our sins.”  Anyway I knew those words, but I didn’t really know what it meant.  I always figured it was to make us sad on Good Friday and realize what awful people we are, for complaining about our lives when we don’t have to endure anything nearly as bad as that.

Correcting this childish, simplistic, and mostly wrong understanding was the first thing that happened when I truly accepted Jesus.  I came to understand that Jesus died so that I wouldn’t have to be punished for my sins.  He took my rightfully deserved punishment.  He, perfect that he is, died so that I, imperfect though I am, can go to heaven.  Is that plain enough English for you?  It worked for me.  Interestingly, suddenly this message was exactly what I heard when I went to Mass.  Where had I been for the 22 years before that??? 

But a few months ago, Mike and I were having a discussion about faith, and  I asked, what was the point of Jesus dying on the cross?  I’ll never forget his answer:  “He opened the gates of heaven.”  I love that.  I don’t think I understand it yet, but I love the imagery.  Jesus, having endured this undeserved pain, having endured hell, walks majestically up to the pearly gates, flings them open, and turns to all God’s people behind him and says, “Come on in!”

Unfortunately, that neither confirms nor contradicts my “Protestant” view of things.  So I decided to visit the Catechism of the Catholic Church.  (Did you know it’s online?  No need to buy a copy!)  It’s long, and I hope to read it all eventually, but tonight I skipped right to the part about Jesus’ death and resurrection.  The highlights that pertain to this question:

608  Jesus is at the same time the suffering Servant who silently allows himself to be led to the slaughter and who bears the sin of the multitudes, and also the Paschal Lamb, the symbol of Israel’s redemption at the first Passover.   Christ’s whole life expresses his mission: “to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  (Mark 10:45)

614  This sacrifice of Christ is unique; it completes and surpasses all other sacrifices.   First, it is a gift from God the Father himself, for the Father handed his Son over to sinners in order to reconcile us with himself. At the same time it is the offering of the Son of God made man, who in freedom and love offered his life to his Father through the Holy Spirit in reparation for our disobedience. 

615  “For as by one man’s disobedience many were made sinners, so by one man’s obedience many will be made righteous.”  (Romans 5:19)  By his obedience unto death, Jesus accomplished the substitution of the suffering Servant, who “makes himself an offering for sin”, when “he bore the sin of many”, and who “shall make many to be accounted righteous”, for “he shall bear their iniquities”.  (Isaiah 53:10-12)   Jesus atoned for our faults and made satisfaction for our sins to the Father.

I included the footnotes for the direct quotes from Scripture, but it’s worth noting that there were many references from Scripture cited, almost for each sentence or phrase.  I read them all for this section, and they do indeed come together to make the clear message that is stated.  Not that I needed proof, I just needed to see it…That’s not different at all, is it?…I hope I’m not rejecting God or abandoning my faith by questioning.  I have faith that it’s all there, I just want to understand it better.  If I say “I believe,” but I don’t know what I am agreeing to believe, then it’s not faith at all.  Faith is saying “I believe” to something that we can’t prove, or something that we can’t touch, not something that we don’t know what we’re agreeing to.

I think the Catechism confirms that Jesus did die as an offering for my sins, and also that he opened the gates of heaven.  If you think about it, those are two ways to say the same thing.  Because of sin, heaven is not accessible.  Not my sin, not your sin, but sin in general.  Original sin, sinful humanness that is present in each and every one of us.  Therefore, yes, my sin, and your sin.  Not a single one of us would be going to heaven if it weren’t for Jesus’ sacrafice.  But now, he rushes to the gates, opens them, and looks at all of us, and also at you and at me, and says, ”Come on in!”

Now, what about the resurrection?

654  The Paschal mystery has two aspects: by his death, Christ liberates us from sin; by his Resurrection, he opens for us the way to a new life. This new life is above all justification that reinstates us in God’s grace, “so that as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life.”   Justification consists in both victory over the death caused by sin and a new participation in grace.   It brings about filial adoption so that men become Christ’s brethren, as Jesus himself called his disciples after his Resurrection: “Go and tell my brethren.”   We are brethren not by nature, but by the gift of grace, because that adoptive filiation gains us a real share in the life of the only Son, which was fully revealed in his Resurrection.

655  Finally, Christ’s Resurrection – and the risen Christ himself is the principle and source of our future resurrection: “Christ has been raised from the dead, the first fruits of those who have fallen asleep. . . For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ shall all be made alive.”   The risen Christ lives in the hearts of his faithful while they await that fulfillment . In Christ, Christians “have tasted. . . the powers of the age to come”   and their lives are swept up by Christ into the heart of divine life, so that they may “live no longer for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.”

“A new participation in grace”…”The principle and source of our future resurrection”…The resurrection takes what was true in Jesus’ death and makes it real, gives it confirmation.  Without the resurrection, the cross means nothing.  With the resurrection, the cross is everything.

After all this, can it be true that my works in this life can take me to heaven?  After all this, can it be true that my faith can take me to heaven?  I think the answer to both of those questions is no, which makes the faith versus works debate entirely pointless, but that’s a bite of the elephant for another day.

Goals: Exercise December 15, 2008

I’ve said this before, but…  BEST.  YOGA.  CLASS.  EVER.

At my gym, there is a girl named April who usually teaches yoga on Mondays.  Generally, I can’t go on Mondays.  But when I do…oh my word.  The difference might be the flow.  April is very focused on making everything flow.  We move slowly, and we do hold poses, but something is always moving.  Even if we are holding, we are reminded to move by breathing.  I read somewhere that in the western world, we use hatha yoga, the movement and pose element of yoga, as a form of exercise unto itself.  And it is wonderful for the body.  But in the eastern world, where yoga was born, hatha yoga is just a preparation for meditation.  Tonight in class, I really felt that.  The meditation at the end was too short.  It was, maybe, two minutes long.  I needed at least ten, I think!  I really think, physiologically, it’s similar to “runners’ high” when meditation feels so good after yoga.  You’ve pushed your body to the limit for almost an hour, and it releases all these feel-good things in your body.

Which leads me too…

Why should I exercise?  First and formost, it feels so good!  It feels good to have pushed your body to the limit.  It feels good when you discover your limits have grown after a period of consistent hard work.  It releases all those feel-good chemicals and makes you feel happy.  Also, it’s good for you.  It makes you healthier.  It prevents, improves, or cures every single health problem out there.  (Can you think of a health problem that wouldn’t be helped or prevented by exercise?  I can’t.  Not everything can be cured, of course, but a strong healthy body is better able to cope with anything that it faces.)  Personally, I sleep better, and I need less sleep, and I have more energy during the day when I am consistently exercising.  And of course, not so important but somewhat motivating, you look better when you exercise!

How can I build a good habit of exercising?  Well, one major roadblock for me is hunger.  I can’t exercise comfortably when I’m hungry, and I can’t exercise comfortably when I’ve just eaten.  If I’m hungry I tend to just skip it, or it is torture to go suffer through a workout hungry.  So whenever I decide to exercise, I have to plan ahead to be able to eat something a little before my workout.  Another major roadblock, for everyone I assume, is time.  When do you exercise?  Whenever I choose to exercise, I need to be prepared.  Have my clothes with me, if I’m going to the gym on the way home from work.  Have my clothes planned and probably laid out and ready if I’m doing it in the morning or right after work at home.  If it’s too inconvenient, I won’t do it.  So the plan has to include ways to make it as convenient and automatic as possible. 

I like the idea of working out first thing in the morning.  Get it done for the day, feel good first thing, take one shower and be done with showering for the day.  But I’ve never been able to turn this into a reality.

Also, the reality of life means there is no single perfect plan that will work every day.  My goal is to do something active every day.  I have to plan ahead, continually.  Sometimes there is a social event that counts, like ultimate frisbee or our indoor winter activities, or even ice skating or something.  Sometimes a yoga class fits into my schedule.  Sometimes, if the weather is nice, I want to take Pal for a long walk.  But it’s the rest of the days, when I have to plan for something for myself, that are difficult.  It’s so easy to know, in the summer, my friends are going to frisbee, so I’ll find some workout clothes and go to frisbee.  It’s more difficult when it’s more my own responsibility.  It’s not so automatic.  It takes effort and planning.  But if I put a priority on it, and make a plan, and do those practical things that will overcome those roadblocks, it will be well worth it.

Conversion Experiences December 15, 2008

I just finished reading Rome Sweet Home, by Scott and Kimberly Hahn.  It is the story of their journey to Catholicism, and it is moving and inspiring and truthful.  I just finished it a couple of days ago, so it’s all new and fresh.  The Hahns’ story opened some issues that have been shut tight with me for awhile, and I feel that this is the beginning of some serious soul searching.  I’ve actually been waiting a long time for this book.  I first heard about it through my friend Kathy, more than a year ago.  Since then, I have been looking for it at the used bookstore each time I go, and sometimes even looking at Borders or other bookstores.  I read a couple of chapters at the house of the family that I babysit for in the summer, but then the summer was over and I hadn’t finished it.  And finally, a couple of weeks ago, I found it at Half Price Books, and of course bought it immediately.  I think God’s timing was perfect to put this influence in my life.  I could have ordered it online or something, but I never did.  I think God knew that I would be ready to address these issues at this very time.

I told God a long time ago that I will go wherever He wants and do whatever He wants, no matter what.  The first thing He asked me to do was to leave that which was familiar and comfortable for me.  For awhile, He led me away from Catholicism and straight into a personal and intimate relationship with Himself.  Then, He led me to keep that close relationship and bring it back within the context of Catholicism.  Well, the story is much longer and more complex than that, but those are the highlights.

But recently, I’ve felt led to examine things more closely.  If I’m going to be Catholic, I need to know why.  What do I believe?  Do I believe what the Catholic church teaches?  If so, can I explain it and defend it?  If not, can I participate in a Catholic church community?  Is it offensive to those faithful Catholics if I want to participate in this tradition but disagree slightly with some of the fundamental issues?  These are the questions that have been rising in my mind.

First, the nonnegotiables for me are that God does in fact exist, that Scripture is true, that Jesus was both God and man and died for our sins, and that the Holy Spirit is real.

That’s all I’ve got.

Beyond that, I know what people have told me, but I don’t own it yet, you know?  I need to figure out where I stand on the fundamental issues of Christianity.  I would love it if Christianity were one, united faith in the world, but it is not.  Even if it were, each of us comes to faith on our own terms and in our own timeline.  As Scott Hahn was studying these issues, he kept hoping Catholicism was wrong.  I’m hoping it’s right.  But the fact remains, I need to find out.  I can’t take it blindly just because Scott Hahn says so, any more than I could take it blindly because my parents said so and my religion teachers said so.  I have to know that God says so.

Scott and Kimberly made the point in their book that Catholicism is either absolutely true, or diabolical.  I don’t like those extreme options with no middle ground, but I think they are right.  I’ve been thinking specifically about the Eucharist.  Either it’s true and wonderful, or it’s ridiculously sinful!  “I am the Lord, your God.  You shall worship no other gods besides me.”  If I say, this is the body and blood of Jesus, and it is not, I’m offending God’s very being, His very existence!  I’m looking to something other than God, calling it God, and using it to try to satisfy my longing for God.  It’s worse, in my mind, than looking to an addiction to satisfy your yearning, because if I’m using heroine, I’m calling it heroine.  It might be an idol in my life, it might be taking the place of God, but I’m certainly not calling it God or expecting God Himself to be present in it.

If it is Jesus, it’s crazy.  We should eat him???  Like, chew and swallow his flesh?  Why, exactly?

Baptism, Confirmation, these sacraments are so real and wonderful to me.  I truly believe that I was born again of water and of the Holy Spirit in Baptism, and that the Holy Spirit came upon me in Confirmation.  So why is it easier to accept and recognize the real presence of the Holy Spirit than the real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist?

It’s not that this is the first time I’ve been facing these issues.  It’s a big spiral experience.  At each stage of life, you push to new levels of undersanding and belief.  It never ends, I hope.  You deal with a particular issue, you come to terms, you move on, and then a few years later, you find yourself dealing with that issue again, until you come to terms with a deeper and more mature faith regarding that issue.  We are not God, we are merely human, and we can’t acquire all the understanding at once that we will need for a lifetime, and we can’t acquire understanding on all matters at the same time.  The best thing we can do, I think, is just to follow where God leads, straight into those confrontations and conflicts within ourselves, and search and search until we find answers that satisfy us and bring us closer to Him.

I don’t have answers yet.  I need more information.  I look at everything from the perspective of feelings, and feelings aren’t sufficient in every situation.  I feel that I am supposed to be participating in the Catholic church, and the Eucharist, therefore I believe it, but I need more information.  I’m constantly trying to figure out what I can do at Mass to feel God’s presence, but God is either there or He’s not, whether or not I am “feeling it.”  It’s like the song “Downfall,” by Matchbox Twenty.  (Was Rob Thomas really writing about God?  Of course I have no idea!  But I feel God every time I hear it.  That’s the way music works.  It is for you what you need it to be.)  But a repeated lyric is, “Lay it down, I’ve always been with you.  Here and now, give all that’s within you.”  In my crazy interpretation of the song, at first it’s God talking to man, saying, I’m always here, whether you feel me or not.  Then at the bridge (the part of the song at the middle-end area that’s a little different), in my mind, it’s man saying to God, I’m always here, even in the middle of my struggles and doubts, I’m with You, I want to be on Your side.  “Be my Savior…”

That’s one thing that doesn’t go away, for me, by wanting to be Catholic.  I want to hear stories of conversion and salvation.  I want to tell my stories.  The stories of how God draws His people to Himself are complex, and personal, and one of the most beautiful things I can experience on this planet.  For some people, it’s one moment, one decision.  For others, it’s lots of little things over time.  And I love it.  And I’ve been noticing that Catholics have these stories, too.  They might not call them “salvation stories” or “being born again,” but it’s just different words for the same thing–God draws us to himself, and it’s hard and complicated, and we love it!

Goal: Getting Enough Sleep December 10, 2008

Why should I get more sleep?  Because when I don’t get enough sleep, I get sick.  I don’t do my job well.  I don’t particpate in my relationships well.  I don’t feel well.  I experience more stress.  I don’t exercise.  I don’t eat well.  And I look exactly as exhausted as I feel.

Oh, and did I mention that I feel emotions so much more intensely and tragically when I’m sleep deprived?  And not in a good way.  When I’m sleep deprived, that’s when I get to the place of I don’t want to feel better!  If I’m mad, I want to stay mad.  If I’m sad, I want to keep crying.  If I’m anxious or worried, it spins out of control.

So, how do I get enough sleep?  Well, how much is “enough?”  For me, if I’m consistently getting 7 to 7 1/2 hours a night, it’s perfect.  I could go to bed at midnight on a Friday night and be wide awake by 7:00 a.m. with no alarm clock.  If I were consistently getting 7 to 7 1/2.  If, like this week, I average 5 hours a night, I need a good 9 to 9 1/2 for a night or two to catch up.  And then I can settle into 7 hour nights.  Especially if I’m exercising consistently and eating plenty of living food, I sleep better, therefore I need less sleep.

So, how do I get enough sleep?  I’m thinking I need to be in bed for 8 hours a night.  I can read, answer the phone, whatever, but the computer and t.v. should be off and I should be “pajamaed” and ready to turn off the light and go to sleep without any more work.  So, if I need to get up at 5:30 a.m., I should get into bed around 9:30 p.m.

Doesn’t that sound lovely right now?

Let’s be clear, you can still call me!!!    If I’m in bed at 9:30 p.m., I’m still not turning off the light until 10:30 or even 11:00.  So if it’s before 11:00, take a chance, call me!

So now that we’ve talked about the numbers, how do I do it?  Well, I need to think of it as a treat for myself.  I need to have a book or magazine that I want to read.  I need to have my phone charged up so I can put it next to my bed and not worry about missing a call.  I obviously need to have the dog taken care of for the night by then, which is no problem.  And maybe I need a plan B…

Okay, plan B is, I’m “pajamaed” and ready to turn off the lights whenever, but I stay in the living room and watch t.v. or use the computer.  Not the best idea, because those pixel lights keep your brain awake, or something, but a good plan B nonetheless. 

Plan C is for when I don’t get home until late.  At that point, I think I “pajama” myself, take care of the dog, and go straight to bed.  If I need to read for 10 minutes to relax and get sleepy, no biggie.  And if I’m getting a consistent 7 hour night, the occasional 5 hour night won’t be too big a deal.  It’s the 2nd and 3rd and 4th 5-hour night that drain me.

If I aim to get in bed around 9:30 once or twice a week, that’s a reasonable goal.  The important thing is to put a priority on getting enough sleep, just like I would on eating healthy food or getting enough exercise.  Healthy food and exercise are vital to being healthy, but so is restful sleep, and it often gets overlooked in our lives.

My, My, My December 10, 2008

Have you heard the song “My, My, My” by Rob Thomas? I’m discovering this week that it’s a real heart-tugging experience for me. Something about a song being in three that makes it more emotional… You know, in three? ONE, two, three, ONE, two, three? …Anyway…”My, My, My” feels like a hug. It can make you cry and make you feel better, and do both at the same time. It feels like holding on tight to the person who loves you, who can take away your pain just by touching you, who can bring you peace just by sitting beside you.  You tell yourself the things you need come slow, but inside you just don’t know…Forever be what you mean to me right now…  I love it.

Sorry about the Interview With the Vampire scenes.  I couldn’t find just a plain music video or just a nice picture to look at.    Hit play, and then go open a new window and check your email or something while you listen!

The light from the window is fading
You turn on the night
The sound from the avenue’s calling you
Open your eyes

And when you find
You’re spending your time
Wanting for words
But never speak
You tell yourself
That the things you need come slow
But inside you just don’t know

My, my, my
Let your bright light shine
Let your words live on
Far beyond this life
Beyond this life

Hold on to anything
Everything’s over and done
Has the fear taken over you
Tell me
Is that what you want
To make up your life

Time after time
You’re falling behind
Hold on to me
Never leave
Forever be what you mean to me right now
Don’t you feel better now