26 May 31, 2008

A conversation with my friend Kathy got me thinking about something.  I have some friends that are several years older than me.  I’m 26, they are in their 30s.  It seems that some people have this idea that once they are in their 30s, it’s time to get “old.”  Comments like, “that’s what happens when you get older,” and “when I was young like you” seem to find their way into conversations.  Some of them seem to have this line in their minds between me and the other people in our 20s, and themselves who are in their 30s.

I am only 26.  The longer I spend “in my 20s,” the more I realize how young I am, how much life experience I need before I could be considered wise.  So I realize that these thoughts are coming from a place of inexperience, maybe immaturity, definitely lack of perspective.  If you think about it, I could easily spend another 5 or even 10 years as a single girl, and not be “late” to get married and have kids.  Later than most, perhaps, but not so late that it would likely be difficult to have children, or that it would be completely unusual to be new parents.  I’ve also discovered “in my 20s” that the phrase kids grow up so quickly these days simply isn’t true.  Not for me, anyway.  I was definitely still a “kid” as a college student.  You do so much growing up in your first years of adulthood.  And it really depends on the person.  Some people are completely ready for adulthood, and marriage, and even kids, when they are in college or shortly after.  I definitely wasn’t.  I didn’t realize that at the time, but in hindsight I am so glad that things have worked out this way so far.  So maybe I won’t realize where I am now until I’m past it, but I think right now I’m a very young adult.  I’m ready for all that adult stuff when it comes around.  I’m scared of it, but I’m ready to give it a try.  I also love this feeling that I have all the time in the world!  It takes the pressure off.  It will happen when it happens, but for now I can just have fun.  Truthfully, that’s what I plan to do no matter what season of life I’m in!  You can always be reaching for the next season.  Parents of preschoolers and babies can look forward to all the kids finally being in school.  You can be anxious for your kids growing up and moving out, or being grandparents, or retiring, or whatever is coming next at that particular stage.  But focusing too much on the future means you might miss the present.  I don’t want to miss this, right now, whatever season I’m in!  I heard a saying once, “Remember fondly the past, prepare diligently for the future, but focus fully on the present!”  Or something like that.  It makes a lot of sense, to me.

My point is, I hope I never get sucked into that mentality that you have to be a certain way just because of what decade of life you are in.  I’m 26, yes, it’s true.  But it’s just a number, it doesn’t mean anything.  It doesn’t tell you anything about who I am, what I like, what I need in my life right now, who I love, what I want.  When you meet me for the first time, I don’t want you to think, “I think she must be in her mid-20s.”  I want you to see those other things, the things that show who I really am.  Much more important than how long I’ve been on the planet!

SUMMER!!! May 30, 2008

Summer…summer…summer…summer…What time is it?  Summer time!  It’s our vacation…

Okay, so I watched High School Musical 2 with the girls yesterday.    That song is stuck in my head.  So is sunshine, hot weather, swimming, laying out, ice cream, brightly colored flip flops, sun dresses, sleeping in, being outside at night, water slides…SUMMER!!!

I love being a teacher!  I get to experience the joy of summer for the rest of my life if I want!

Today I slept until 9:00, watched t.v. all morning, had some lunch, and then finally took my shower.  Now I’m off to run some errands, including looking for a new summer dress for a wedding I’m attending next weekend!  Yay!

Sight Reading May 29, 2008

I have another “profound” bit of wisdom tonight…No alcohol involved, this time.  Just my usual bad habit…staying up late when I have to get up early!    This came out while I was journaling at about 1:00 this morning before I went to bed.  (Paraphrased and taken out of context, of course…I’m plagerizing myself!)

I love reading the same book again and again, watching the same movie over and over.  There is something comforting about knowing how it’s going to end.  Predictability is security.  I have often thought about the contrast of fiction and reality.  A line of a movie is rewritten over and over until it is perfect, and then the actor says it again and again until the delivery is just right.  Watching one conversation between characters is actually watching the result of months or even years of work on the writing, and hours or days of work on the delivery.  Furthermore, you’re usually watching several takes blended together.  This line from take 5, the next from take 2, the third line from take 4.  The best moments are chosen and edited together to make the best scene.  In life, you get one take.  You can’t go back and un-say something.

In music, I hate sight reading.  Sight reading is playing a piece of music you’ve never seen before.  The easiest line of music can make me so nervous!  I like to practice a little bit at a time, over and over, until muscle memory can take over.  That practice strategy is actually good, because that’s how you play hard stuff.  You look at music that has a ton of notes in the space of a tiny amount of time, and your fingers need to just know what to do.  You don’t have time to look at it one note at a time.  My problem is the habit of stopping when I mess up.  It used to drive my clarinet teacher CRAZY!  She would get so frustrated when I couldn’t run an entire piece because if I mess up my brain just stops.  My instinct is to back up a couple of measures, or worse, start over from the beginning.  As soon as I became aware of it, I noticed it happens when I play piano too.  If it’s not just perfect, I must stop and fix it.  It must be so annoying to listen to me play!

Here’s the profound thought.  Are you ready?    Life IS sight reading.  From beginning to end.  Nothing ever happens the same way twice, to quote Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. 

At this point, I shut my journal and went to sleep.  But tonight I’m thinking, the next step would be, what do I do about it?  The trick with sight reading is to keep doing it.  Keep putting new pieces on your piano or in front of your instrument, and eventually it gets easier.  You are able to sight read harder and harder pieces with some small measure of success.  And, you get more comfortable with it.  Translated into life, I think that means that you have to keep putting yourself into new situations, taking risks.  You get more comfortable with the idea of not knowing how things will go or how this will turn out in the end.

Now, what about the idea of stopping every time things aren’t perfect?  The thing with perfect music…it’s a bit of an oxymoron.  Music is meant to be creative and emotional.  Perfection can mess that up.  If I’m playing something on the piano and I’m focusing on putting my heart and soul into it, the emotion can propel the song forward, even when I “mess up.”  My brain might say, “Stop!  Wrong note!”  But my heart and my fingers can’t stop.  And if I did stop, it would stop this beautiful thing.  Just for the sake of perfection?  Not worth it.  Striving for perfection can prevent beauty.  How crazy is that?  The lesson for life:  Striving for perfection can prevent beauty in everything.  Or perhaps, perfect doesn’t mean what we think it does.  When we think of perfect, we are really thinking of accurate.  Or, exactly as planned.  In any case, stopping because things don’t go exactly as planned can completely destroy something that is really wonderful, even better than what we planned.

I have this crazy, slightly morbid thought regularly:  If I die today, I’m sorry for the messes that I left!  When someone dies, those who are alive deal with their messes.  The dishes left in the sink.  The laundry in the hamper.  The debt they have.  The mistakes they’ve made.  But here’s the thing.  I could make sure my apartment is perfectly in order each day before I leave the house, just in case I’m not the one to come back and clean up the mess.  I could strive to be perfect, to fit into a formula, to work my job, to come home and sit alone, so that there are no messes in my life for anyone to clean up.  No mistakes.  No failed relationships.  No one neglected from my selfishness.  No one hurt from my impatience.  But is that really living?  No, that’s just dying.

What a coincidence…I just happened to flip to the movie Pleasantville.  In the beginning, it’s all black and white, very sugary, stereotypical old t.v. show.  Everything is perfect, but nothing is good.  Then these two kids get sucked into the t.v. show somehow, and they teach the people of Pleasantville about reality, and a team that loses sometimes, and a world that sometimes rains, and sex, and books with stories inside, and having emotions stronger than pleasant. 

Because striving for perfect and pleasant is just treading water.  To live, you need to move forward.  You need to take chances, and try new things, and set out on adventures.  I’m always so uncomfortable with the part of myself that makes big plans and then doesn’t follow them through.  Even ashamed of it.  Like, I shouldn’t have talked about this idea until I was sure it would work out.  But I think that’s wrong.  Pursuing ideas, making big plans, that is living.  Sometimes, they won’t work out.  Sometimes it won’t be the right time to pursue them.  Sometimes you will pursue them, and you will fail.  But to never make big plans, that would be worse.

Living is not striving for perfection, and settling for nothing else.  Living is trying it for the first time and loving the experience.  Living is sight reading.

A New Game May 27, 2008

In the spirit of how much I care about what people think of me, and how much I know I shouldn’t care, I came to the idea of this little game…

1.  Something that people might not know about you:  I read Spin magazine from cover to cover each month.

2.  Something that people might not know about you…something you’re a little embarassed or ashamed of, but you’re going to tell us anyway:  I own both High School Musical movies on DVD…and I watch them occasionally.  (I also enjoy Drake & Josh, Hannah Montana, Full House, Suite Life of Zach and Cody, other Disney Channel movies, etc…I think I’m a 10-year-old at heart!)

3.  Something that you’re not embarassed about but probably should be:  I very rarely clean out my fridge.  I recently rinsed out a milk jug that expired WEEKS ago!

4.  Something you’re not embarassed about at all, even though others might not share this trait:  I absolutely ADORE the show One Tree Hill.  I also have to throw in here…I love my vaccuum cleaner, swiffer, and swiffer duster! 

5.  Something you’ve learned from this game:  I may watch too much t.v.    Actually, I think I probably watch the same amount of t.v., or maybe somewhat less, than many other people of my stage of life (single, no kids, a paycheck with which to pay for cable).  I just don’t watch the usual stuff, because I’m too busy watching the Disney Channel, Lifetime, Discovery Health, Hallmark, and t.v. on DVD.  Hmm.

If you have a blog, I challenge you to play my game! 

Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace May 22, 2008

Here we go again.

I really despise the way I get all excited about something, and talk about it as though the decision has been made, and then change my mind.  I’m afraid everyone will think…well, I don’t know what they will think.  But I’m afraid of what they will think.

Mike said something to me tonight.  He said, “You never know what will happen in your life.  You can’t predict everything.  So don’t think about two years from now, or ten years from now.  Think about now.  If you want to go for your masters, do it.  If you want to get a different job, that’s what you should do.  If you want to keep everything exactly the same, you should.”

As usual, I think I just want something different.  I don’t necessarily want a different job.  I don’t necessarily want to keep my same job.  I don’t necessarily want to get a masters right now.  I just want a change.  I just want to be different.  I think I’m guilty of the sin of discontent.  Is discontent a sin?  Maybe it’s related to greed.  Always wanting more, wanting what I know is not good for me, wanting what I know I don’t need.

In reality, I think it’s wanting one thing, and trying to satisfy that desire with something else.  I want be a wife and mom.  You can’t exactly take specific steps in that direction, can you?  So I’m trying to satisfy that desire with something else that sounds exciting to me.  I’m not making choices based on wisdom, I’m using the basis of a craving.  I want to satisfy this deep desire, though the only thing that can satisfy it, I can’t have right now.

I once heard a piece of advice about making choices.  I think it was an author or spiritual minister of some kind on the Christian radio station.  He said that when we are making a big decision, the logical thing to do seems to be thinking about the possible outcomes.  But the truth is, we are reminded, we don’t know how our choices will really turn out.  So he says the wiser thing to do is to think about our motives.  Why do we want this choice?  Why do we want the other choice?  When we look honestly at our motives, the right choice for us may become clear.

So let’s test this out, based on some past choices I’ve made.  Why did I want to marry someone who wanted to control me?  Because he wanted to marry me.  Because I wanted to get married, and I was afraid if I said no to him, no one else would ask.  So, because of fear, because of lack of trust, of faith.  My motive was fear.  Clearly, that motive does not point to a wise choice.  And it would definitely not have been a wise choice!

Example number two.  I wanted to get involved in my church.  I didn’t, for a long time, because I was afraid of the people being too different from me, afraid of what my non-churchy friends would think, just plain afraid of the unknown.  Fear, again.  But I wanted to get involved to meet people who love God as much as I do, to find ways to grow in my faith, and just because I needed more friends here.  My motives were my need for others and my need for God.  Those motives, in my mind, point to a wise choice.  And being involved in my church has been a good choice.

The theory seems to be solid.  Let’s try it with these unknown decisions.  Why do I want a masters?  Because I think it will make me a better teacher.  But that’s a possible outcome.  Why do I want a masters?  Or, why do I want a masters now?  Because I can’t have what I really want.  Moving forward in my career is my number two.

Why do I want to change jobs?  Because I want to work closer to where I live.  Because starting and ending each work day traveling across the city on crowded interstates adds to my stress, not my happiness.  Because when I serve as a teacher, I want to serve my own community.  Why would I really like that job to be at a Catholic school?  Because I want to serve in a way that I can help my students grow in their faith at the same time.

And why do I want this right now?  All together now, because I can’t have what I really want!!! 

But it’s not that I can’t have what I really want, is it?  I can.  I have faith.  I am sure of what I hope for, certain of what I don’t yet see.  I just can’t have it right now.  So I want something else, right now, to fill that desire.  The ultimate motive in all of this?  Impatience.

It’s not that working towards a masters or getting a job closer to where I live or a job in a Catholic school would be a bad choice.  It’s just that my motive for wanting those things might make it an unwise choice.  When my motive is something purer than impatience, maybe it will be a wise choice.

Do I want a different job?  No, not really.  I love my job.  If only I could move this job closer to this area…  And the desire to work in a Catholic school is going to get me one of these days, I know it.  Do I want to work toward my masters?  I don’t know.  Still to think about.  It would suck up a lot of my free time.  I wouldn’t have time for so much involvement at church.  I wouldn’t have the freedom to go to a yoga class once in awhile.  It probably wouldn’t even be worth it to belong to the gym.  Worst of all, I’m afraid I would officially be a “career woman” instead of the “mama woman” that I want to be.  It’s not one or the other, teaching or mothering, I know that.  The women at work, the ones who have pursued more education quickly, who strive for better positions and higher positions, those are the career women.  The women who wait on graduate work, who are satisfied to teach a classroom of kids, who put their priority on their own children, who do their work very well but put it second…they are also happy.  Maybe more so.  And they are the “mama women” that I want to emulate.  Not because the career women are wrong, but because that’s not the right path for me.

So, we’re going to call this period of time “waiting” and “growing in patience.”  Echoes, Silence, Patience, and Grace, to quote a Foo Fighters lyric.  The echoes of things hoped for.  The silence I need to be, to hear God and hear my own heart.  Patience.  And the grace to accept with joy whatever comes.  The song is called “Home.”  How fitting.

Magic Into Faith May 21, 2008

…Knowing clouds will rage on, storms will race in.  But you will be safe in my arms.  Rains will pour down, waves will crash around, but you will be safe in my arms…  Storybooks are full of fairy tales of kings and queens and the bluest skies.  My heart is torn just in knowing you’ll someday see the truth from lies…  Castles, they might crumble, dreams may not come true, but you are never all alone, because I will always, always love you…

My new favorite song, “In My Arms,” by Plumb.  The album is called Blink, and the cover art is a drawing of a woman holding an umbrella over two small children, watering a flower, in the middle of a thunderstorm.  The song is hauntingly beautiful.  It evokes emotion before you even hear words.

So you listen to the words, and it’s obviously about a mother’s feelings for her children.  But it’s depressing, in a way.  “Life sucks, but in this moment, I feel that I can always keep you safe.”  In reality, we know that moms don’t really do that.  In fact, we know that some mothers inflict pain, actually cause the storms.  Actually, I would say most mothers cause storms, unintentional though they might be.  That’s what humanity is like.  We hurt each other, even those of us who fully intend not to.  We are a sinful, broken humanity.  We hurt those who are closest to us.  But obviously this song is about a mother’s feelings…

…Obviously?

Maybe not.  “Rains will pour down…but you will be safe in my arms.”  Who does that sound like?    It doesn’t matter what happens to us, it doesn’t even matter if we die, we are safe with God.  “Storybooks are full of fairy tales of kings and queens and the bluest skies.  My heart is torn just in knowing you’ll someday see the truth from lies…”  Does God hurt, knowing that little girls who believe in fairy tales have to grow up and figure out what the world is really like?

And yet…there is no fixing it.  Little girls will believe that an evil stepmother offering a poison apple is the world’s biggest problem, and a big white wedding dress is the beginning of happily ever after.  There is no changing that.  And, the world doesn’t work that way.  There’s no changing that, either.  We can’t shelter our children from disillusionment by telling too much truth too soon.  They need childhood.  Besides, there are certain things you just can’t hardly disillusion out of children.  Santa is real until he’s not.  You can’t hardly convince little kids that he’s not real!  If an older kid tells them, they think the older kid is trying to trick them.  I’m serious.    Parents of little kids shouldn’t worry about that, because little kids trust Santa more than they trust any kid on the playground, trust me!

It’s called faith, I think.  Adulthood is more about faith that you might realize, even if you don’t have God in your life.  Actually, let me revise that.  Adulthood is more about faith than you might realize, therefore you might have God in your life even if you don’t know He’s there!    I believe that Christ is the way, the truth, and the life, God’s grace is sufficient for me, that His joy might be in me, and my joy may be full.  If you don’t mind if I mix and paraphrase about three verses, there!    Because of what I believe out of those verses, I think people who have faith know God in some way, even if they might not know Him by name, or realize that they are talking to him.  Something I’ve been learning is that my entire life can be prayer, every breath, every thought, every tear, every action, if done in faith, is communicating with God.  Hebrews 11:1 says “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the certainty of things yet unseen.”  Things hoped for.  Certainty.  Little kids are sure of Santa’s Christmas visit, even though they will not see Santa when he comes.

The same faith is the way to happiness in adulthood.  I am at a place where if I don’t get married or have children, I know I will be fine, and I know God will take care of me.  I know I can be happy without being what I really want to be when I grow up, because I already am happy!    (And I also fully understand, in case that statement concerns you, that my big white wedding dress is not the beginning of happily ever after.  I would like to think that if you’ve been reading this blog for any significant amount of time, you know that being a wife and a mother is the work I’m called to do, a challenge I look forward to taking on, and my most important job, but not my hope for perfection!)  But at the same time, I also have faith for those dreams.  Assurance of things hoped for–I hope to be a wife and a mom.  Hope doesn’t mean I’m wishing for it, hope means I’m preparing for it and expecting it.  Certainty of things yet unseen–I am certain of my calling here.  If you could feel what I feel, you would be certain, too.  This is the one feeling that has remained the same ever since I can remember.  In all the doubts about what college to attend, what career to work toward, the certainty that it all was secondary to my one true calling never waivered.  If, for some reason, God denies me the fulfillment of this calling, I know everything will be just fine.  But I have faith in the certainty of these things that I hope for, these things that I don’t yet see.

This post has really evolved!  As you can see from the beginning of it, I have a tendency to dark and cynical thoughts once in awhile…or more often than that…    But more in me, is the truth that magic of illusion of childhood is replaced by joy of faith of adulthood.  Dark and cynical thoughts, for me, are quite possibly evil’s effort to push faith out.  To push God out.  So I’m leaving those dark thoughts from a few minutes ago, because faith wins this one, and here is the evidence!  “Life sucks” and “There is no fixing it” are replaced effortlessly by “Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the certainty of things yet unseen.”  The truth, joyful truth, is that life does not suck, and there’s nothing that needs fixed.

And in that light, “In My Arms” renews my desire to be a mom, because even though I will screw up, and I will hurt my children from time to time, and even though it pains me already to admit that, the truth is that children need a mom who will encourage their dreaming, and help them turn those dreams from illusions into joyful faith as they grow up.  Just as the mom on the cover of the album shelters her little ones from the darkness, and waters the flowers in front of them.

a heart wide open May 16, 2008

God, I love music!!!

I think I can count on one hand the songs that can make me cry, just because of the heart in the music, before I figure out what it means or how it connects to me.  “Eyes of Grace,” by Enation.  “Home,” by the Foo Fighters.  “Symphony No. 1 (In Memoriam Dresden 1945)” composed by Daniel Bukvich. 

And “Say,” by John Mayer.

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open    (Ooh, I love it!)

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say…

Living Food…Revisited May 14, 2008

Yes, just to clarify, the “raw food diet” that I am referring to is the diet where you eat food that is alive.  Raw meat is, technically, dead.  Raw veggies and fruits are alive.  Yogurt is alive.  So is raw milk.  (Although, I don’t know if you can make yogurt with raw milk, so technically, I don’t know if yogurt counts.)  We are definitely not talking about living bugs or anything like that!!!    YUCK!!!

Of course, this is all open to interpretation.  Alive is good, of course.  But dried fruit is not cooked, but is dead.  And as I said, yogurt that you buy at the store is alive, but made with cooked, aka killed, milk.  One is raw but not alive, the other is alive but not raw.  I think they’re both better for me than cooked, dead food, but we all have to draw our own lines.  My line is this:  The closer to the way God made it, the better.  Practical modern wisdom says we shouldn’t eat raw chicken.  But I can eat cooked chicken that has been raised without antibiotics and hormones, and has not been processed, salted, preservative-loaded, and reformed.  Practical modern wisdom says we need vegetables to be healthy.  I can eat canned vegetables instead of french fries, or frozen instead of canned, or cooked from fresh instead of frozen, or raw fresh intead of cooked.  It’s all about choices, and taking it one step farther when you’re ready, and stepping back when you need to.  It’s about making it easy and painless, and treating your body, the temple of the Holy Spirit, well.

The bottom line:  I am alive.  I need things that are alive.  Life is a power that will not be outshined by anything humans can invent or discover, because it is controlled by God, who created life, who created us all.  All food is made from that which once was alive.  Fields are filled with nutrients from that which was alive last fall.  Cows and pigs and chickens eat that which was once alive.  The life which feeds us has been nourished by life.  A baby cannot live outside of his mother until he can eat.  A mother cannot grow a baby unless she eats.  Life nourishes life, in one way or another, from season to season, from creature to creature, from generation to generation.  I am alive.  I am nourished by life.

And that, my friends, is the profound thought that two glasses of wine at Vincenzo’s, and a crazy-busy week, mixed with my brain at 10:45 p.m., will give you! 

The Raw Food Contemplation May 13, 2008

Oh, God, help me.  I’m not taking the Lord’s name in vain, I’m actually praying here.  But feel free to laugh at me, I don’t mind! 

You remember how I said that I’ve started drinking green smoothies for breakfast every day?  You remember how I said that it took a long time of reading about it and basically observing from afar as some fellow bloggers tried it?  Do you remember how I said that it sounded gross at first, and then it sounded not so gross, but not something I would ever try, and then it sounded like something I would try, and now it’s something I don’t think I could bear to give up?  Do you remember that whole sequence of events?

Do you remember how I said a raw food diet is definitely not for me???

Well, I’ve been reading articles.  I’ve been observing from afar.  I’m guessing less than two months until I’m eating mostly raw food.  Even as I sit here and eat this apple turnover from the bakery at Target.

Today I read an article from Natural News that clearly laid out the biology and the benefits of raw food.  To quote a summarizing statement: Numerous studies reveal that cooking causes a big drop in a food’s nutritional profile. Heating food beyond 118 degrees Fahrenheit kills off all the enzymes and decreases the amount of vitamins and minerals originally present in the food.  If you’re intrigued, I highly recommend reading the article.  The author is very specific and cites a selection of references.  I’m sufficiently convinced of the benefits of raw food.

I suddenly feel compelled to clarify…A raw food diet is entirely vegetarian, and mostly vegan.  In other words, no meat, no eggs, and some raw dairy products.  It is my understanding that many “raw foodies” do not eat any dairy at all, raw or not.  We are not talking about raw chicken here!!!  And in case you’re not familiar with dairy foods, raw milk is perfectly fine, as long as it’s fresh, the cows are healthy, and the facilities are clean.  Pasturizing simply makes the milk last longer without spoiling, so that it can be transported, packaged, and sold.  (Right, Becky?  Mom?  My raw milk gurus better weigh in on this.)

My one doubt about the theory of raw food is that while I’ve always known that overcooking can destroy some of the vitamins and minterals, and it’s obvious to me that cooking would kill the enzymes, I’ve also heard that some vitamins and minerals are not accessible to our cells until the food is cooked.  I’m not sure if that’s a real fact, or just something that I heard and it’s actually not true.

So beyond that, it’s a question of what I can really do.  Can I really live without warm food?  Can I really give up cookies, bread, and other baked goods?  Can I really afford to only shop in the produce section every time I shop?  Am I really willing to admit to other people that I eat so differently?  Am I really willing to serve extremely unusual foods to others when they come to my home?

From my research, I’ve found that almost no one eats 100% raw.  Everyone has to find where their line is, a level where they are comfortable, satisfied, and able to maintain the habit.  That’s with anything, not just a raw food habit.  One thing I know is, I’m not willing to never go out to eat with people.  So several meals a week would likely be not raw.  And while all chilled or room temperature food sounds lovely as we head toward summer, I can’t imagine never putting my nose in a steaming bowl of soup in the winter, or never opening the oven to a bubbly casserole or lasagna. or never putting my hands around a hot cup of coffee.

At the same time, when this green smoothie thing started, I couldn’t imagine giving up toast with butter and jam in the morning.  I also couldn’t imagine washing my blender every day, it sounded like such a chore for a small reward.  After experiencing what a green smoothie feels like in my body, toast doesn’t sound that awesome, and washing the blender is about as difficult as brushing my teeth.  Maybe once I got started on raw food, the benefits would make the “I can’t imagine’s” insignificant.

Right now, I still can’t imagine.    Mostly raw food sounds ridiculous and impractical.  But I am intrigued.  And I am aware.  I have been trying to eat something that’s alive every time I eat.  Most of my morning smoothie is alive, with the exception of a splash of orange juice.  At lunch I usually have some raw veggies or some yogurt.  Supper often misses the raw food goal, because I’m often eating out or eating in a hurry.  And then I also sometimes eat some fruit when I get home from work, to tide me over until supper.

As with everything else, change is easiest made one step at a time.  I have completely changed my morning eating habits to include lots of living food, and almost a complete day’s portion of fruits and veggies.  It has made a huge difference!  But it’s been accomplished, I’m in the habit of buying the groceries I need for it, washing the dishes that I use, finding the time to consume it, etc.  Now it’s time for another step.  I’m still denying that I’m on my way to a raw food diet, so let’s just call it a step toward healthier eating.  It might be getting in the habit of having a big old salad for lunch, instead of my usual sandwich or leftovers.  Greens, tomatoes, mushrooms, peppers, cucumber, maybe some boiled eggs or some chicken, a dollop of cottage cheese, a really good homemade dressing, or my favorite Dorothy Lynch…it might be really good.  (It’s definitely that time of year where cool, crisp raw veggies are sounding really good to me!)  Or maybe it will be a different habit.  These things seem to work best for me when I don’t plan to commit, I just plan to try.  I planned to try one green smoothie.  That turned into a plan to try it for the rest of the week, just to see if it was something I would like.  That turned into a habit, still not a commitment, but I have no doubt in a few months I will still be having green smoothies regularly.  It wasn’t hard, it just happened.  The effort was truly minimal.  That’s the easiest way to do it!  And it proves that this is a habit that fits my needs and limits right now.  Otherwise, it wouldn’t be so easy.

Well, whether or not a raw food diet is in my future, my blogger-friend Sara has several raw recipes that I’m interested in trying:  Raw Strawberry Pie, Walnut Taco Salad, Raw Pad Thai

And may I just say, LOOK at that picture I found!  Doesn’t that look like the most wonderful thing ever???  If only berries weren’t so stinkin’ expensive, I would eat something that looked like that every day!!!

Mom May 10, 2008

Happy Mothers’ Day, Mom!!!!  That is a picture of the two of us on her first Mothers’ Day, this weekend is her 27th Mothers’ Day!

Some of the things I love about my Mom:

-She can tell if you don’t feel good just by looking at your eyes.

-When I was a kid she packed hot soup in a thermos for my lunch.

-She used to take us each with her to her appointments in Des Moines sometimes, just to do a little shopping and have lunch, so that we got some one-on-one time with her.

-She taught me how to make bread, grow a garden, and sew.

-She let me bang on the piano to my heart’s content for 18 years!

-She let me get bored, every summer, so that I would learn not to be bored.

-She still makes me green jello when I’m sick.  She also still tries not to cook with beef when I’m at her house.

-She knows that I’m scared of funerals, and she doesn’t make me feel like a baby for it.

-She let me check out as many books as I wanted when we went to the library.

-She understands that her children’s need for her motherly guidance does not end when we turn 18.

How is this for a homemade mothers’ day card?  You can keep it forever, but it doesn’t have to take up space on top of the piano!  I love you, Mom!