Psalm 143:8 March 29, 2008

I’m not much for memorizing Scripture.  I’m Catholic!  We don’t do that.  We drink good red wine and have seven sacraments and baptize the babies before they’re old enough to make a choice for themselves, but we don’t memorize the Bible!  :)  (Remind me to come back to the baptism thing for a later post, because I have a bit to say about that, as well…)

But today I decided I need something to draw from when there is no Bible in front of me, no holy water, no quiet space to go and be with my Father.  I need words that I can immediately recite when I need God right that moment.  So, I looked through my prayer journal and settled on a Psalm verse that I wrote down last July.  I don’t intend to memorize the entire Bible.  I haven’t even read the whole thing!  I absolutely do not intend to memorize just for the sake of memorizing.  For now, I want one verse that means something to me, and I want it in my head and in my heart, ready and waiting for whenever I need it.  I’m claiming this as my verse for now.  Psalm 143:8…

Remind me each morning of Your constant love, for I put my trust in You.  My prayers go up to You; show me the way I should go.

Remind me each morning of Your constant love…I have a tendency to forget that You are with me always, so remind me every day.

For I put my trust in You…You are the only one who can save me, You are the only one who can help me.  My every need depends upon Your will.  I am only safe if You say I am, I am only fed and clothed if You say I am.  I am only forgiven because You say I am.

My prayers go up to You…Praying is the best way I have to be close to You.  I am learning about prayer and making it a daily habit.  Hear my prayer.

Show me the way I should go…Tell me what to do.  No one knows what You know, so I want to do what You say is best.  Show me what that is.

What can you do about a future you don’t know? March 26, 2008

For some reason, I’ve been reading through old blog posts the last few days.  I’m noticing a trend…I make a big plan, get very excited about it, and then back out, usually for very good reasons.  That sounds awful!  It makes me look like someone who can’t follow through with any sort of promise or commitment.  I was so sure it was time to buy a house, and then I just switched apartments.  I planned to move to Seattle, and now I’m fine with staying here forever.  The thing is, both of those, I know I made the right choice in the end.  I love my apartment and I know I wouldn’t be able to afford a house by myself right now.  And I love living in Omaha, and I’m rediscovering how much I love the midwest after all.  So why does the wrong choice distract me during the process of making a choice???

I’m reminded of a quote I once heard:  Maybe there is no right choice, or wrong choice.  What if it’s just a bunch of choices?

Maybe it wouldn’t have been completely wrong to buy a house, or move to Seattle.  There is no way to know, of course.

I’m backing out of another “plan” of sorts that I was very excited about for a short time.  I began to plan to look into switching jobs.  (Did you get all that?  This was not at all a definite action yet!)  From the beginning, I sort of…wished…that I could work in a Catholic school.  It was a wish because everyone seemed to have the attitude that you only take a Catholic school job if others aren’t available, because it’s less money and you have to teach religion class and whatnot.  For the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking that there’s no reason I can’t choose to work in a Catholic school.  I think Catholic education is where my heart is at.  I would love to teach in a place where we all agree to teach the same values and morals, and where you can answer a question with “because it’s how God wants us to treat each other, no matter where we are” instead of “because that’s the rule in this classroom, but at home you have to do what your mom says is the rule there.”  I would love to teach in a place where the most important thing in the school is the same as the most important thing in my life.  Not many people get to say that about their workplace.

I wouldn’t expect it to be perfect, of course.  I expect there would be the usual education politics, workplace dramas, parents you wish you didn’t have to deal with, students you can’t help no matter how hard you try.  I expect that whatever problems I would leave behind, there would be new problems specific to that neighborhood or that school to take their place.  Mostly, I’m just so curious!  I’ve taught in public education, now I would love to teach in a Catholic school and see what is different and what is the same.  There are people who have taught in both, and they say they wouldn’t ever go back to public, and I want to know why.

However…I am not going to do it right now.  There’s no way to know the timing of my future, of course, but if I stay where I am, I expect that I can pay off most if not all of my debt by the time I get married, if marriage is in my future.  That’s important to me.  I also recognize that, as excited as I am thinking about trying Catholic school, I am equally excited about my current job.  I love our preschool program in our school district!  I love the idea of being an experienced teacher who believes in what we do and stands up for early childhood education.  I actually really love the idea of being someone who facilitates early childhood staff development.  (I love staff development!  Such an unpopular thing to say, though…)  I’ve been thinking forever of getting a master’s degree, but I’m stalling because I would like to find one specific to early childhood education.  If there is no marriage in my future, or maybe even if there is, that’s what I ultimately would want.

If only I could combine early childhood education with Catholic education…any really good Catholic preschools in town?    Can I open one?  You know, one of my favorite practicum experiences in college was in a Lutheran preschool.  I would imagine having a church-based preschool as a full time job would be all the more fun!

It may sound like all my career plans depend on marriage.  They really don’t.  They do depend a little bit on whether or not I have children.  If I have children, I would absolutely want to stay home for at least a few years, if it’s possible.  Because I can’t know the timing, this desire brings up some questions.  If I have children sooner rather than later, is it a waste to get a master’s degree at this time, just to stay home and not benefit from it for a few years?  Would working toward a master’s be the ideal thing to do while my children are little, since it would be more flexible hours than a full time teaching job?  Or in the field of education, would it be stupid to get my master’s while I don’t have a teaching job to try out what I learn?  Would it be totally stupid to say that I don’t want to pay for a master’s until I have my current student loans paid off?  If there is not the money or situation for me to stay home with children, or if my future husband would not agree to it, will I regret not having gotten a master’s sooner?

These are questions that pop into my head, but none of them really matter much.  I can’t possibly know what the future holds.  All I can do is make the best choice I can with what I have in front of me right now.  And right now, the right thing is to hang onto a job I love, and the paycheck that accompanies it.  And to wait on a master’s until I find just the right program. 

Magic Powder March 25, 2008

 I’m a blog addict, I might as well admit it!  I have my two or three favorites, and then I jump to other blogs from their links, or people who leave comments on their blogs.  A running theme among some of the blogs lately has been some magical food, or habit, or rule that will keep us all healthy, cancer-free, skinny, and young.  Green smoothies…vegan diet…raw food diet…organic food…the list goes on.  While I’m open to trying a green smoothy one of these days, I don’t intend to commit to drink one every morning.  I don’t plan to give up meat or animal products.  And I absolutely will not eat a 100% raw diet!  But, I thought I would jump on the bandwagon of health bloggers and share my magical food…nutritional yeast.

Yes, nutritional yeast!  I know it sounds like the grossest thing in the world if you’ve never heard of it before.  It is the same species as yeast you would use for baking, but it is grown a bit differently for flavor, and deactivated by heat-drying.  Apparently people use it as a great source of protein and B-vitamins, especially for vegans who find it difficult to get enough of those particular nutrients.  Apparently people also use it for flavor, like sprinkling it on popcorn or on cereal.

Here is how and why I use it.  From the time I was little, my mom told me that if I stirred a spoonful of nutritional yeast into my juice every morning, the mosquitos wouldn’t bite me so much.  So she would take a fresh, sweet, cold glass of orange juice and ruin it by stirring this ugly yucky powder into it…but it was so worth it!  Over and over throughout my life, it’s been proven that when I don’t consume nutritional yeast, I get bitten more than anyone else, and I’m totally miserable and itchy for a few days.  And when I have been taking nutritional yeast on a regular basis, I don’t even use bug repellant if I’m camping. 

I have two possible theories.  One is, the yucky powder makes my blood taste yucky to the bugs.  That’s what I thought from little on.  Two, and probably more likely, my body is extremely sensitive to the allergen in mosquito bites, which is why it seems like I get bitten more, and why I’m so miserable afterward.  And the nutritional yeast…be it the B-vitamins or whatever…lessens my reaction to the mosquito bites.  This one makes more sense when you also consider that since I began using nutritional yeast again, I haven’t experienced the usual allergies that used to come every April.  I personally think my skin, hair, and nails are healthier because of all the B-vitamins, but that’s a much more subjective observation.

It has begun to warm up outside, and we’ve started playing ultimate frisbee again each week.  So it’s time to start with the nutritional yeast again!  I don’t care to put it on popcorn, or in gravy, or in pesto.  I prefer to stir a spoonful into my juice and get it over with.  So I ventured to Whole Foods tonight and bought my yearly vat of nutritional yeast.  I commit to consume a spoonful nearly every day, for as long as the weather allows me to be outside.

Solitude March 23, 2008

I got exactly what I wanted from the Easter Bunny this year…TIME. 

I went to my parents’ house for Good Friday, and came back on Saturday in time to sing with my choir at the Easter Vigil mass.  We also sang this morning.  After church, I was on my way home when I realized…I’m not bored at all!  This time to myself is exactly what I want.  I have a bunch of stuff around the house that I’ve been wanting to get done, and I realized that I have today and tomorrow to work on all of it.  Pal is spending the week with Auntie Megan, so I even have one less distraction!

So I’m not bored…and I’m also not lonely.  I expected that without Pal it would be painfully obvious that I am alone in my apartment.  We all know how much I generally despise being alone.  But it’s okay right now.  I just finished Simple Living by Frank Levering and Wanda Urbanska, and there was a great quote about solitude toward the end of the book.  Unfortunately, I lent the book to my mom so I can’t quote it exactly.    The point of the quote was that time to oneself gives one a better ability to be good to others.  You can be a better parent, a better spouse, a better friend, a better colleague if you spend time alone on a regular basis.

I have suspected for some time that one of my tasks in this season of my life is to figure out how to be fine, alone.  Some people meet the person they are meant to be with and have a marriage and a family well before they are 26.  There have been many, many moments in the past few years when I wanted a marriage and a family for one single reason: to not be alone.  To have other people living with me in my home.  It seemed so unfair that I, who hate to be alone, didn’t get to have that which would solve the problem completely.  I now understand that it wouldn’t solve the problem.  Marriage and family means that other people live in my house, but not necessarily forever.  Kids grow up, spouses pass away.  At some point, I would probably have to figure out how to be fine on my own.

The second thing I began to understand is that solitude and loneliness don’t necessarily go together.  Have you ever been at a party and felt like you don’t know anyone?  Have you ever been at church or at the mall and felt like you are the only person who came alone?  You can be surrounded by people and feel lonely.  On the other hand, you can be alone and feel incredibly content.  Have you ever had a craving to have the house to yourself?  I think everyone has had that desire.  Or to go for a walk and not see anyone?  Sometimes solitude is just what we need.

That thought leads to my third point, which is that perhaps my task is not just to be “fine” alone, but to recognize the value of solitude, to figure out how to turn loneliness into a positive for me.  I seem to be on the verge of being able to do that.  One thing I’ve noticed is the ways that I spend my time alone, and the various effects.  For example, watching t.v. does not always have a positive effect.  If I start, it’s hard to turn it off and do something productive.  And if the t.v. is on all day, I go to bed feeling like I accomplished nothing, and like I’m more alone than ever.  On the other hand, if I accomplish something first, even just doing the dishes or something, and then I turn on the t.v., I don’t have that unproductive “blah” feeling.  Once in awhile I try to carve out 24 hours with no t.v. at all, which is always a nice refresher.  After a whole day with no t.v. from morning until night, I feel alive and real, and a really good tired because I usually find more active things to do with my time.  It’s just a healthier feeling than sitting on the couch and staring at the box for all my free time.

I was reading through some of my old, old posts the other day, and it strikes me how a person can continue growing and learning for your whole life.  In two years, I’ll look back on this post and laugh at how immature these thoughts are, ponder how much more I’ve discovered since today.

Easter March 17, 2008

This year, I’ve been praying to understand better the meaning of the Resurrection.  I understand why Jesus died.  I don’t totally understand why he rose from the dead.  Seeing as this is just the beginning of Holy Week, I hesitated to post this tonight.  At the same time, I want to reread what I’ve found several times, all week, so that maybe by Saturday night it will truly mean something to me when we finally sing that A-word that we’ve been avoiding for 40 days!  (Or H-word, depending on how you say it, how you spell it, whatever.)

In the book Christ Our Mediator, C.J. Mahaney makes the following quote:

“As we watch Jesus pray in agony in Gethsemane, He has every right to turn His tearful eyes toward you and me and shout, ‘This is your cup. You’re responsible for this. It’s your sin! You drink it.’ This cup should rightfully be thrust into my hand and yours.

Instead, Jesus freely takes it Himself…so that from the cross He can look down at you and me, whisper our names, and say, ‘I drain this cup for you–for you who have lived in defiance of Me, who have hated Me, who have opposed Me. I drink it all…for you.’

This is what our sin makes necessary. This is what is required by your pride and my pride, by your selfishness and my selfishness, by your disobedience and my disobedience. Behold Him…behold His suffering…and recognize His love.”

Okay.  So far, so good.  I get this.  It can be simplified into one sentence: Jesus took the punishment that I deserve for my sinfulness.  Powerful, to be sure.  But I get it. 

Rev. Richard Gielow, speaking at our parish mission last week, said in a homily while gesturing enthusiastically at the cross:  “If there is no Easter, this here is a waste of a man’s life!” 

…Why?  I mean, I believe that Jesus rose from the dead, but…why?  His work was done, was it not?  Hmm…

St. John Chrysostom, in an Easter sermon sometime in the late 300s or early 400s:

Let all then enter the joy of Our Lord!
Both the first and the last, and those who come after, enjoy your reward!
Rich and poor, dance with one another, sober and slothful, celebrate the day.
Those who have kept the fast and those who have not, rejoice today, for the table is richly spread.
Fare royally upon it-the calf is a fatted one.
Let no one go away hungry.
All of you, enjoy the banquet of faith!
All enjoy the riches of His goodness.
Let no one cry over his poverty, for the universal Kingdom has appeared!
Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again, for forgiveness has risen from the grave.
Let none fear death, for the death of our Savior has set us free.
He has destroyed it by enduring it.
He spoiled the power of hell when he descended thereto.
Isaiah foretold this when he cried, ‘Death has been frustrated in meeting him below!’
It is frustrated, for it is destroyed.
It is frustrated, for it is annihilated.
It is frustrated, for now it is made captive.
For it grabbed a body and discovered God.
It took earth and behold! It encountered Heaven.
It took what was visible, and was overcome by what was invisible.
O Death, where is your sting?
O Death, where is your victory?
Christ is risen, and the demons are cast down.
Christ is risen, and life is set free.
Christ is risen, and the tomb is emptied of the dead.
For Christ, having risen from the dead, is become the first-fruits for those who sleep.
to Him be glory and power forever and ever!
Amen. Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Dare I quote an Easter sermon at the beginning of somber Holy Week?  Yes, I dare.  Because, by the time we celebrate the joy of Easter, I want to understand this celebration.  Those who have kept the fast and those who have not, rejoice today…Let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again, for forgiveness has risen from the grave…Christ is risen, and life is set free.  Can’t you just hear the joy of such a statement?  Now, I’m ready.  I’m ready to listen on Thursday as we hear again of Jesus’ suffering and death on our behalf.  I’m ready to fast on Friday as I ponder his great sacrafice.  And I’m ready to celebrate on Saturday night as we remember his victory over death.  Furthermore, I’m ready to ponder these thoughts for a few days and truly understand what we are celebrating when we, through the Word, roll away the stone and find the tomb empty.

Painting My Toes March 15, 2008

 I am loving this new habit of finding pictures that compliment whatever I’m writing about!!! 

Mike totally called me on something last night.  In the Protestant lingo, I’ve been convicted.  (If you speak the Catholic lingo, try not to think of me in jail for a crime!)  What I mean by that is, a light has been shined on something I didn’t realize was a problem.  I agreed to participate in the washing of the feet on Thursday, where the priest washes the feet of a group of people to symbolize Jesus washing the feet of his disciples.  In my mind, it’s something that men do, not women.  In the farming community church where I grew up, the dads and brothers who were old enough got their feet washed, not the moms or sisters!  It was never an issue, like the women couldn’t do it.  We just didn’t.  So my friend Kathy, who is also participating, suggested that she and I go get a pedicure on Thursday, to make it feel like a more girly thing to do.

I told Mike about this plan, and he asked me if I was going to have my toes painted.  I said, of course!  Why would I get a pedicure and not have my toes painted?  Not only that, but why would I show my feet in public without painted toes?  If I wear sandals, my toes are painted.  All summer.  Mike’s point was that it’s a symbolic religious ceremony, and more than that, a symbol of our Savior’s humility, and he didn’t think it was appropriate to pretty up your feet for that occasion.  Of course I immediately came back with my rebelious nature, explaining how I wasn’t painting my toes to make my feet more attractive, I was just painting my toes to…  And I couldn’t think of how to finish that thought.  I continued to rebel for a few minutes, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that I do paint my toes to make my feet more attractive.

There is such a fine line between dressing to look your best and dressing to attract.  Klutz that I am, I think I cross it more often than I realize.  Is it wrong to paint your toes?  No, I don’t think so.  The real question is, why am I painting my toes?  Why do I wear the jewelry that I wear?  Why do I choose the clothes that I choose?  I am used to the mentality that guys want girls who look the most attractive, and that interviewers choose employees who look the best, and even that girls choose friends based upon what they look like.  I know that in most cases, the second and third statements aren’t true.  But I don’t presume to know how guys think!  And I’ve mostly acted like a guy will look first at what I look like, and later at who I am, but only if I pass the first test of what I look like.  I no longer really think that’s true.  At least not with the good ones like my friends and Mike!  But I still act like I want to attract people with what I look like.  It is a fine line between choosing clothes, makeup, jewelry, etc., with the motive of attracting people and with the motive of looking healthy and put together.  A lot of times, I would probably end up with the same outfit, same jewelry, whatever.  But it is the motive that God cares about.

Besides which, men don’t need help to find themselves attracted to women.  And vice versa.  That’s the way it is with us human types.  For me to use that element of human nature to attempt to get what I want…I think that’s wrong.  I will get a pedicure, and I will probably get my toes painted clear or something neutral like that beautiful picture up there.  And, I will probably paint my toes fun colors of red and pink all summer long.  But I know from now on I will be examining why I choose the nail polish, why I choose the clothes, etc.

Poor Mike!  He knows me well enough to know that he can usually get a good argument out of me, and I ended up agreeing with him! 

Missing The Boy March 13, 2008

Mike was out of town for almost a week, skiing in Colorado.  For six days, I joyfully went about my business as usual, just a bit sad that I knew I wouldn’t get to see him that night.  It was like this little pool of blue in the pit of my stomach, it didn’t stop me from doing anything, it didn’t make me sad on the outside, I just carried it around with me for six days.  It sort of hit me like running into something you don’t know is there…He’s gone out of town before, and I’ve missed him, but it’s not ever been something I carried around with me before.  What was different this time?

One short phone call, Mike is back in Omaha, and everything is right with the world again.

What is happening to me??? 

Readin’ Books an’ Watchin’ Movies March 12, 2008

Right now I am reading the Love Comes Softly series, by Janette Oke.  There are seven books.  I am on book five, Love’s Unending Legacy.  I often hesitate to read books that movies have been based on, because the book is usually better, and ruins the movie for me!  If I read the book first, the movie rarely ruins the book.  So I was a little concerned about reading these books after seeing all the Hallmark Channel movies that have been made from them.

What I’ve discovered is that the movies tell a different story.  The titles are the same, and still fitting, because the theme or lesson is the same in each movie as it is in the book with the same title.  The characters are…sort of the same.  As the series progresses, the stories in the movies diverge farther and farther from the stories in the books.  The books are great, but because they are so different from the movies, one will not ruin the other for me.  Yay!

Something that I had to get used to in the books…Ms. Oke writes the dialogue as it would sound if you hear it.  For example

“Well, Mrs. Davis,” he teased, “here we are in the big city.  What shall we be doin’ with it?”

“Doin’?” asked Marty blankly.

“Well, they say thet a big city is full of all manner of excitin’ an’ forbidden things.  Ya be wishin’ to go lookin’ fer some of em’?”

All the extra punctuation is distracting to me!!!  I’ve finally decided that you have to read it sort of quickly, and just try to hear the dialogue.  Besides which, if I think about it too much, I realize that I talk very similarly to them.  Apparently it’s a southern Iowa thing, and I grew up close enough to southern Iowa to pick it up.  A few people have commented on it.  Not anymore, since here is so close to southern Iowa, I guess I fit in just fine.    But the first two sentences of this paragraph, if I had said them out loud to you, would have sounded like this:  “All the extra punctuation is distractin’ ta me!  I’ve fine’ly decided thet ya have ta read it sorta quickly, an’ just try ta hear the dialogue.”  See?  It’s distracting!  I think you are going to hear written language in the same way that you, in your personal dialect and accent, would say it.  If I know a character is from England, I still don’t hear a Brittish accent when I read that character’s dialogue.  Maybe it depends on how you read or think.  For me, everything is how it sounds and feels.  If I’m reading the word “and,” I usually wouldn’t hear or feel the /d/ sound at the end of it.  I don’t know, maybe that’s crazy, but that’s how my brain works.  Fitting. 

Keeping House March 9, 2008

My aunt Betty left me a comment on my last post: “Remember that you live in your house and so this is a way to love and care for yourself also.”  I have thought of that many times, and sort of put it out of my mind.  Apparently this is true for many women, but it’s easier to take care of others than to take care of yourself.  When I’m home alone, it’s easy to let things go, let the dishes pile up, the bed remain unmade, the dust collect on the furniture.  For many people, things like this are no problem.  For me, it’s a visual reminder that I am not taking care of myself.  I need a peaceful, organized living space.  Some people thrive just fine without one.  I thrive when things are clean and put away in my home.  It’s how I take care of myself, and give myself a place that rejuvenates and centers me.  To go to bed knowing that all the dishes are clean is one way I know will help me get a good night’s sleep.  I can’t explain it.  Sometimes if it’s late and I’m tired, just to stay up for 20 more minutes and put the house back together is more helpful than that 20 minutes of sleep would have been. 

But I don’t always do it.  I don’t value myself enough to do that for myself.  I think I’m making myself a goal.  For one week, I am going to keep my apartment clean and “put together”–aka, cleaned up, everything put away, dishes done each evening.  No matter if I have people over or not, this week, my apartment will be as clean as if I did.  Next Sunday, I will reevaluate and see if it makes a difference in how I take care of myself, how calm and happy I feel, etc.

I had one roommate in college, Julie, who kept a CRAZY clean apartment!  Everything was always put away, dishes didn’t pile up, stinky garbage was taken out immediately, etc.  Everything had a proper place, and everything was put away when it wasn’t being used.  Between her “putting away” habit, and my incessant vaccuuming and dusting, we kept a very neat house!  I can think back to that year and remember how wonderful it felt to live in such an environment.  I had never lived in a place where putting stuff away, making the bed, etc., was given so much importance before.  Actually, at first I thought it was a little nuts.  (And she thought I was nuts with all the vaccuuming!)  But it was a piece of cake to do, because if we started with a clean house in the morning, it took no time at all to get back to a clean house at night. 

So, after I get home from Bible study tonight, I begin!  I will start with a clean house tomorrow morning, and for one week, I will live like Julie lives.    I’m curious to see if it makes a difference…

On a side note, lest you think I live in a pigstye, right now there are couch pillows on the floor in the living room, laundry to be put away in the bedroom, the bathtub/shower needs cleaned, the dishes need done, the table needs cleaned off and stuff put away, from library books to a sack of potatoes to a couple weeks worth of Sunday papers, and I have about 8 pairs of shoes by the front door.  It’s not horrible, just not…”put together.”  Although all the shoes would bother my former roommate who shall remain unnamed but knows who he is. 

My dishes, my quilting, and other beloved tasks March 7, 2008

Item number two on this weekend’s random blog menu is…the process of a craft.  I like doing things like sewing, quilting, knitting (to my limited ability, anyway), scrapbooking, painting (walls, not pictures), refinishing wood, what have you.  But usually, I get a good start on it, and then I just stop and procrastinate, or simply give up altogether.  I am so impatient!  I want the finished product, to the point that I miss out on the enjoyment of the process.  I started this quilt I’m working on now because I had such a specific idea about what I wanted and therefore couldn’t be satisfied with anything I found in stores.  This was about a year and a half ago.  Two winters have come and gone, and I don’t have my quilt on my bed!  And the irony is, I don’t have it because I want it.  I want it, I don’t want to work on it.

Well, I had a mini-epiphany last weekend.  I was doing dishes, in a hurry because Mike was on his way.  I love to do dishes, but not that night.  I was frustrated and rushed, and therefore dropping stuff, splashing where I didn’t want to, just generally making an unhappy mess.  I wondered, what happened to enjoying doing dishes?  A couple of days later, I was doing dishes again, and this time I was in no hurry, and I had a thought.  I love this when I can take my time and enjoy every dish.  When I am focused on the warm water surrounding my hands, the dishes that are becoming clean and shiny, the smell of the soap, I love it.  It occurred to me that I might apply that same wisdom to my quilt.  There is no hurry.  I’ve survived for a year and a half without it, I’ll survive as long as it takes.  The important thing is that I enjoy the process.  So I actually got the quilt out of the closet and sat down to work on it almost every night this week.  I even found that I sometimes prefer to work without t.v. or music.  I focus on each stitch, each thread that put in the needle and cut from the spool.  I think about the possibilities of how I might quilt the other sections.  I think about how this project is uniting me with both my grandmas, my mom, my sister, a few aunts, the women who came before me and felt the desire to make something functional and beautiful for their homes.  I feel the warmth of the blanket cuddling my legs and feet as I work.  My fingertips feel the smoothness of the cotton on top, the softness of the flannel on the underside.  I enjoy my quilt.  I look forward on working on it each night.  The stitching is almost meditative.  I slow down my thoughts, my breathing, my worries. 

I applied this principle to other tasks this week as well.  I actually enjoyed folding laundry…so unusual for me!  My two least favorite household chores…folding laundry and drying dishes.  I maintain that dishes dry themselves. 

On a sidenote, I realize that many of you will read this and think I’m crazy for loving washing dishes.  I don’t need to defend my love, it’s not going anywhere anytime soon!  Need I remind you about vaccuuming, swiffing, and dusting?  Did I tell you I finally got myself a swiffer duster???  This love for household care…it goes deep.  Like the quilting, it unites me with women throughout history all over the world.  It’s a way to love the people who live in my house or come to visit.  It creates an environment that I find peaceful and centering.  I have zero problem with “women’s work.”  I can’t speak for every woman, but I know, deep in my soul, that this “women’s work” is my true calling in this world.  The most important people in the world, both men and women, where would they be if someone didn’t provide them with a home filled with love and beauty?  That sounds like the job description of a full-time “stay at home” wife and/or mother, but it’s not limited to that role.  Whether or not I’m meant to get married or have children someday, whether or not I choose to or am able to stay home with kids, I hope to always care for my home as a way to bless all who enter.  That sounds so old-fashioned, but it’s the “Big Dream” of my soul.  THAT is why I love to vaccuum, swiff, dust, wash dishes, clean mirrors and windows, paint walls, rearrange furniture, and so forth.